Brad: Oh, you know what we should do? We should turn the lights out tonight at the same time, so Dad thinks he's blown a circuit.
Mark: Oh, yeah. That would get him back for making us spy on Al.

Randy: Hey, guys, where's my good sports coat? I need it for church tonight.
Brad: I think it's over there.
Mark: It's a little wrinkled.
Randy: A little wrinkled? It looks like the oldest lady in our village.

Claire: Toolboxes?
Gracie: Cool.
Tim: They're from the Little Miss Binford collection.

Claire: Can Aunt Jill read us a bedtime story?
Jill: Oh, I can do even better than that. I can tell you a story about Christmas when I was a little girl.
Gracie: No, thank you.
Jill: They get smarter every year.

Randy: Look, guys, why don't we just open up some more gifts, huh?
Tim: There's a good idea.
Randy: Yeah. Here, open mine.
Tim: Look at this. It's to "Mom, Dad, Brad, Mark, Uncle Marty, Uncle Jeff and Grandma." Lot of people to be fitting in a little box like that. Dehydrated sea monkeys? Okay. Cards. And on the card, "A tree in Cabo Blanco rain forest is being protected in your name." So later on, we can go down and cut it down, huh? [chuckles] Great gift.
Randy: You know, Uncle Marty, I only put your name on the card instead of yours and Nancy's. I hope that's all right.
Jeff: Nancy might get the house, but you hang on to that tree.

Brad: Yo, Randy. Mark and I went in just the two of us 'cause you weren't here.
Tim: You guys went all out on the wrapping paper again, didn't you? A chasing light set. This is great.
Brad: Yeah, for the manger on the roof.
Tim: However, there's no lights in the box.
Mark: That's because they're already up there.
Tim: No way!
Mark: You turn those babies on, it's gonna be a Disco Inferno.
Tim: Silent night fever! I like it.

Wilson: And, Randy, thank you for buying me that tree in Costa Rica.
Randy: Oh, you like it?
Wilson: Oh, I love it. I can hardly wait to go down there and climb it.
Randy: Well, you might want to wait awhile. It's only three inches tall.

Wilson: What were you talking to Wilson about?
Randy: His nuts. Well, it looks like one of your guys went AWOL.
Tim: Second time today. You working for Borland? Answer me, soldier!

Randy: Gosh, you know, home is definitely not the same home.
Tim: Come on. Things haven't changed that much.
Randy: Dad, come on. Things have definitely changed. I mean, Tanaka? You know, we've got three new people living in the house. Mark's, like, five inches taller. Brad and him are actually getting along. I just feel like a guest at a hotel.
Jill: With armed bellhops.
Tim: You feel like an outsider at this house now?
Jill: Well, we haven't been much help, you know. We've hardly spent any time with him.
Randy: It's not your fault. I mean, you guys are just getting on with your lives, and I'm having trouble keeping in step.
Jill: Well, Randy, regardless of who's living in your room, or what's growing in there, this is always gonna be your home.
Randy: Thanks, Mom.