Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor and you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
Al: How are you doin'? Thanks for the ride, Tim.
Tim: Maybe next time you'll kick in for gas. All right. Great to be back. First show of the season. I've got some big news. Somebody on the show's pregnant. [chuckling] Al, when are you expecting?
Al: Actually, it is Heidi, who's the one expecting a bundle of joy.
Tim: That's right, our little Heidi. Come on. Just married, soon to be Tool Time mom, give her a round of applause.

Jill: Well, I got you everything you'll need to start school. Backpacks, notebooks, paper, pens, highlighters. Anything else you need?
Mark: Yeah. Someone to go and pretend to be me.

Jill: Randy, you must be looking forward to starting high school.
Randy: oh, yeah, this sleeping in late and having fun all day is getting on my nerves.
Jill: You should be like Brad. He can't wait to start.
Randy: Yep, and right out there's the reason why. They have every class together. You know Brad's even thinking about joining the modern dance club.

Jill: Hi, sweetie.
Brad: Hi, Mom.
Jill: So, you seem to be seeing an awful lot of Angela.
Brad: Yeah. She's great, isn't she?
Jill: Yeah. She's great. She really... She's... She's great. Yeah. But you know what I was thinking? A guy your age should be playing the field, you know, dating different girls.
Brad: Nope. I found the one, so what's the point?

Al: Well, Captain, why don't you give us a little information on the Constellation?
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: She's virtually a floating city, Al, with a crew of 5,500. She's got her own post office and hospital and serves over 18,000 meals a day.
Tim: Well, now that Al's here, make that 19,000.

Brad: Angela, I think you just said, "The library's between the church and the meatballs".
Angela: I thought that meant "city hall".
Brad: No, I think "city hall" is... [speaks Spanish].
Angela: Well, let's ask your mom. She knows Spanish.
Brad: She's not home. Let's go up and check the dictionary on my computer.
Angela: Or in Spanish... [speaking Spanish]
Brad: [chuckles] You just said, "Let's go up and check the dictionary on my gall bladder".

Tim: This is the Constellation's navigation bridge. Al's down scouting out the flight deck. [clicks] Al, this is great, isn't it?
Al: Roger that, Tim.
Tim: Marv, follow me back here. Excuse me, Captain, while I show them the equipment here. A lot of impressive buttons here. I'm sure they all have safeties on them, so you can't accidentally turn one like... [alarm sounding] What have I done, Captain?
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: I'm afraid you've just activated the firefighting wash-down system for the entire flight deck.
Al: [o.s.] Tim! Tim, stop playing with all those buttons!
Tim: Interesting.

Tim: This is a ten-cylinder, 1340 horsepower, at 720 RPM, diesel engine. It's a generator. It's a back-up generator! You put some blades on this, this baby will mow a lawn! [grunting] A whole series of steam channels over this...
Al: [covered in foam] Hello, Tim.
Tim: You remember Al Borland. Hi, Al.
Al: Did you start the engine segment without me?
Tim: Yes, I did. And I'm certainly sorry to... [snickering] burst your bubble.

Tim: I think this will be great. What I want to do is set a camera up in here and shoot back in this direction so we can show the Tool Time audience how you guys test the engine on an F-1 4 Tomcat.
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: It's a good idea, Tim, but it'll have to wait. I'm a little busy the next couple of hours.
Al: What do you have to do?
Captain Lloyd Jenkins: I'm heading down to the mess deck. The guys from catapult maintenance are throwing Heidi a baby shower.
Tim: A baby shower? Wow. This is the new Navy.

Tim: Hold on a second. Is there anything you'd like to ask me?
Brad: No.
Tim: Are you sure?
Brad: Yeah.
Tim: Well, you know, if you got any questions... just holler.
Brad: OK. Thanks, Dad.
Tim: Any time day or night.
Brad: All right, thanks.
Tim: Call me at work if you want. [sighs] That was easy.