Tim: You think your family's better than my family.
Jill: That is so untrue. I love your mother.
Tim: I'm not talking about my mother. How about my brothers?
Jill: Your brothers are fine.
Tim: Not as fine as your couthy, intelligent sisters.
Jill: What's that supposed to mean?
Tim: You think my brother's a lowbrow.
Jill: I never said that.
Tim: That's what you mean.
Jill: You have no idea what I mean.
Tim: Let's not go there again.

Tim: You look down on my brothers because you think they're unsophisticated. And when you look down on them, you look down on me.
Jill: I do not. You are being so ridiculous. I'm just not even gonna talk to you anymore.
Tim: Oh, that'll last about five minutes. If I had a nickel for every time you talked to me after you said you weren't gonna talk to me again, I'd be a millionaire.
Jill: Oh, please!
Tim: There's a dime right there.

Tim: Oh, look who came up for air!
Jeff: Hi, Carrie and I were just upstairs. She was showing me her...
Carrie: Photographs.
Jeff: Photographs.
Tim: That's what you're calling them now?
Carrie: Yeah. Jeff's just gonna take me out to grab a bite to eat.
Jeff: See ya. [both exit]
Tim: Well, looks like another Patterson woman lowered herself to the level of a Taylor man.
Jill: You are such a jackass.
Tim: Let's see... Is jackass one or two words?

Al: Now, moving on to a larger project...
Tim: We've got Al's mom's TV tray. [belches] Ooh, boy.
Al: Still moving on. Now, take a look here. If you have a prominent crack, perhaps it's spreading... [Tim eyes Al's rear-end] Moving on again.

Jill: So, you two really seem to be hitting it off, huh?
Carrie: Well, yeah. We had a great time together yesterday, although...
Jill: Although what?
Carrie: Well, Jeff's a nice guy. But he's had all those business failures. He never even finished college. He's obsessed with his feet. What do you think of him?
Jill: Jeff?
Carrie: Yeah.
Jill: I think he's a sweet and decent guy.
Carrie: That's what I thought. And then last night when he dropped me off, you know, I just started picking him apart.
Jill: That critical voice you're hearing, you know where you get that? It's from Daddy.
Carrie: What do you mean?
Jill: You remember how he used to put everybody under the microscope? If you examine anybody that closely, you're gonna find flaws.

Jill: Maybe you should give Jeff a chance.
Carrie: I think you're right.
Jill: Especially since you're already sleeping with him.
Carrie: [laughs] We did not sleep together!
Jill: Oh, really?
Carrie: No! Well, we started kissing. And then I remembered my sister was right next door.
Both: Yuck.
Carrie: Of course, Jeff could've cared less. He would've been fine with the door open.
Jill: Oh, Tim would do it on Tool Time.

Jill: Okay, okay. I was wrong to be so judgmental of Jeff.
Tim: Wow! You were judgmental? [whistles]
Jill: It was that Patterson family gene just seeping through. I mean, you guys may be a little rough around the edges, but, hey... What's the surprise? You're men. And for men, you're very open, accepting and caring people.
Tim: Plus we're really good at Skee-Ball.