Jill: Mark, we found the knife in your pants pocket. Why did you do this? What do you have to say?
Tim: Who cares what he has to say? He stole something then he lied about it. He sat there, let me yell at your brothers and take the rap for you. You're grounded indefinitely now.
Jill: Now, Tim, wait. Before you start doling out the punishment, I think we should discuss this.
Mark: I'm with Mom.
Tim: You stole from two of my best friends. They're like family to me. Is this how you treat these guys?
Mark: Dad, I'm sorry.
Tim: Forget about sorry! It doesn't work right now, pal.
Jill: Calm down. Stop yelling.
Tim: I've a right to yell. My kid's a rotten little thief. That's what you've turned into. Just a rotten little... [Mark runs off] Wait a second. Where are you going? I'm not finished with this thing yet.

Jill: How could you do that? You called your own son a rotten little thief.
Tim: That's what he is.
Jill: He is not rotten. He has never done anything like this. You didn't have to scream, you scared him half to death.
Tim: Well, maybe that's good. Next time he thinks about stealing something, he's going to think twice about it.

Tim: [on the phone] Yeah. Pete's Pets? Hi, this is Tim Taylor. I was won... Thank you. Hearing's fine now. OK. Yeah, we all love Al. That's great. I've got kind of a serious issue here. I'm looking for my son. Yeah, we bought a hamster in there a little while ago. I'm looking... How big is he? About the size of my hand with a little tail on there. Oh, oh, Mark? Yeah. About 4'10", shaggy blond hair, no tail. He hasn't been by there at all? OK, but if he stops by will you have him call me, please? Thank you.

Tim: Well?
Jill: Well, he went to the hardware store to apologize for taking the knife.
Tim: Well, that's great. That's my boy there.
Jill: Your boy doesn't wanna leave the hardware store.
Tim: All right.
Jill: He doesn't wanna leave the hardware store because he's afraid of you.

Tim: Hey, Mark, let me talk to you for a minute. I'm not gonna yell at you. I'm not gonna yell at you. I'm really sorry I went nuts today. But what you did really upset me.
Mark: So you must really hate me.
Tim: Come on, Mark. No, I really, really love you, all right? It's just... It's just certain things really, really set me off.
Customer: Excuse me, do you have any mops?
Tim: Can't you see I'm talking to my kid here?
Jill: Could you give us a few minutes? Go get some coffee or something?
Customer: Is there a coffee place in the area?
Tim: What - do I look like Juan Valdez here? Is she Colombian? Do you see beans?
Jill: Here. Just take this.