Brad: Dad can't make us do this.
Randy: Yeah. I mean, you can't make your kid be an elf. There's gotta be a law. Hey, Dad, we have something to talk to you about.
Tim: Hey. Welcome to Santa's Christmas Village.
Mark: Dad, we don't wanna be elves.
Tim: What?
Randy: Yeah. We thought you said we could all be Elvis.

Jill: I can't believe this is the outfit you chose for me. Mrs. Claus would never wear anything this skimpy.
Tim: Sure she would, if Santa were out of town and Mr. Mountie was stopping by.

Jill: Tim, look, you know, Thanksgiving's tomorrow. I got pies in the oven, a million things I gotta do.
Tim: Relax, all of you. Let me make a few tweaks on my little snow-making machine here.
Jill: Why do we have to have snow?
Tim: Well, if there's no snow, people won't believe that we're really in the North Pole.
Jill: You are so deluded.

Tim: I'll just get a new window in it.
Jill: Where are you gonna get a pane of glass the night before Thanksgiving?
Tim: There's plenty of 24-hour glass places open on the holidays.
Jill: Yeah, right.

Tim: What's that smell?
Jill: Oh, gosh. It's my pies. Oh, no! Oh, Tim! You promised me this was gonna be simple. Now look. I have burnt pies, a broken window and a snow blower in my family room!
Tim: You're not gonna let this dampen your spirits, are you?
Jill: I am way past damp.

Jill: Tim, take the helmet off and come to dinner.
Tim: It's not over yet, honey. We have two more minutes left.
Ilene: What's the score?
Tim: Uh, 61 to three.
Jill: Guess what. It's over.

Mark: Hey, what are those?
Jill: Oh, these are the, um, mashed rutabagas that Al brought.
Al: Made from a very old family recipe.
Tim: Looks like you got 'em from an old family.
Ilene: [laughs] I love the way you guys tease each other.
Tim: I'm not teasing him.

Al: Ilene is no slouch in the humor department. Tell them that joke you told me on the way over.
Ilene: Oh, no.
Al: Come on.
Jill: Come on. We'd love to hear it.
Ilene: OK. What do you call a big white animal that's shaped like a tooth? [Al snorts]
Jill: What?
Ilene: A molar bear. [Al laughs heartily] Stop.
Al: You are such a wacky-doodle.

Brad: It's my turn. I'm thankful that Ilene's finished with her tribute to Al. Ow!
Randy: And I'm thankful that Brad said that instead of me. Ow!
Mark: I'm thankful you guys are kicking Brad and Randy instead of me.
Jill: Well... That was very touching, boys.

Jill: So much for the dignity.
Tim: There's still time for you to slip into that Mrs. Claus outfit.
Jill: Later. [Tim grunts]