Taylor Doose: No, Kirk. If you build an igloo to sleep in, and the town plow runs over it, it kills you, we are not going to just leave your corpse in the snow.
Kirk: Okay, but I don't want to be a burden.

Luke: Eh, I'm not sure this is what you think it is.
Gypsy: What do you mean? It's a letter to the editor, signed "George Washington".
Luke: It's dated "1944".
Taylor Doose: That's a little smudged, that could be 1744.
Luke: It mentions Jack Benny.
Gypsy: Well, we could cross out the Jack Benny part.

Paris: Every one of these people is dead. That makes me sad.
Rory: That movie is from the sixties. They're not all dead.
Paris: Well, they're old. Osteoporosistic. These days if they shake it, they break it. That makes me sad.
Rory: Switch back to Mahler.

Kirk: Can I get some water?
Lorelai: Why are you covering your eyes, Kirk?
Kirk: In case you're naked.
Lorelai: You thought I'd walk into my daughter's room and get naked?
Kirk: I don't know your domestic routine.
Lorelai: Glasses are above the sink.

Taylor Doose: You were right. We should have tied the cannonball down.
Luke: Taylor, you don't like to drive after dark, so we didn't have time to tie the cannonball down.
Taylor Doose: You didn't have the proper tools to secure it with anyway. Netting, twine...
Luke: Yes, well, drat my luck. I took all my cannonball securing tools out of my truck just yesterday.

Lorelai: All right, well, finish up here, grab your jackets and we'll go.
Kirk: I don't need a jacket.
Lorelai: Well, it's chilly, Kirk.
Kirk: I don't want to wear a jacket.
Lorelai: Well, then, maybe you won't go to the grand opening of the Stars Hollow museum.
Kirk: I'll put on my jacket.
Lorelai: Finish your breakfast first. Kirk, do not turn that TV on. Kirk! I mean it, Kirk.

Miss Patty: Good morning, ladies.
Lorelai: Hi, Patty.
Rory: Hi, Patty.
Miss Patty: [to Paris] Oh, I remember you, you poor thing.
Paris: Thanks.

Rory: Miss Patty's leftover punch is used to remove tar from construction sites.
Paris: Then let it remove the tar from our souls.

Lorelai: Hey, check out that painting.
Luke: Oh, yeah, actually that's pretty cool. It's a possible circa nineteenth century portrait of what we think may have been the founder of a school that possibly educated Ben Franklin's cousins.
Sookie: Nice.

Paris: You'd think they'd stumble onto the truth. Just accidentally, say something like two plus two equals four. Just because they say so many things just accidentally, that's like... Man!
Lane: I know!
Sookie: They just have to repopulate the species, you know. Just spread it around.
Rory: Oh, they like to spread it around, all right.
Paris: I bet you Doyle's spreading it right now.
Rory: You don't know that he's spreading it.
Paris: This... is tasty.