Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?
Niles: Oh, good news. Emile Sinclair is crazy about the caviar. If we sell him the rest, he distinctly implied he could get our squash lockers moved further from the showers. Isn't that fantastic?

Martin: I knew this was going to be more trouble than it was worth.
Daphne: A little paperwork's a small price to pay for a clear conscience.
Martin: Yeah, meanwhile, I'm out 40 bucks.
Daphne: It's not your money!

Niles: McBean, ten ounces.
Frasier: Hmm, ten?
Niles: Yes, I know it's a lot, but he promised me the use of his Sonoma estate.
Frasier: Yes, well, for ten he should. You know, for eight, the Ashworths gave me the use of their box on the opera's opening night gala.
Niles: But that's the same weekend as the black and white ball? When are we going to sleep? [chuckling]
Frasier: Sleep is for people without social lives.

Frasier: You're looking for more caviar, aren't you?
Roz: Of course I am! You took all mine!
Frasier: That was ours! You know, Roz, I think you may have a little problem.
Roz: You're the one with the problem! Not me. This is all your fault. You made me try it. Now I crave it! I really hate you!
Frasier: Now, Roz, you know you don't mean that. Now, come on. Listen. It's just possible that we may be able to get some more from our old supplier.
Roz: Is that true? Is he right? I'm sorry I said I hate you.
Frasier: Roz, Roz, it's all right.
Roz: Are you going to get it today? I love you!

Martin: [answering the phone] Hello? Oh, no I'm sorry. Frasier isn't here. Sure you can place an order. Let me transfer you to that department.

Teller: Hi. How can I help you make banking simpler?
Martin: I'll tell you how you can help me. I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen, and you're going to do exactly as I ask.
Teller: I think I should go get a manager.
Martin: No, no managers!
Teller: Oh, but our policy is...
Martin: Now this is real simple and I know you can handle it. Now what I want you to do is... [reaching into his coat]
Guard: Hold it right there, Mister!

Vladimir: $80 an ounce.
Frasier: Well, we were paying $40.
Vladimir: And now you pay 80.
Frasier: 50.
Vladimir: 80.
Frasier: 60.
Vladimir: 80.
Niles: I don't think you're doing this right.
Frasier: 70, that's my final offer!
Vladimir: 80.
Frasier: Done.

Niles: All right, all right. We have to hide it!
Frasier: No, Niles, you can't hide it. They're U.S. Customs. That's what they do! They find things on ships!
Niles: All right. I know one way to get rid of it. [takes out his little spoon and starts eating]
Frasier: Can I get you a toast point? Oh, here, for God's sakes! [scooping caviar into his mouth]

Niles: My heart is pounding.
Frasier: I was afraid we were going to get arrested.
Niles: What have we become?
Frasier: I don't know. We got caught up in a nefarious scheme. And for what? A visit to a wine country estate?
Niles: A box at the opera?
Frasier: Dinner at the governor's mansion? ... How much of this do you think we can salvage?
Niles: I don't know. Just start scraping.