TV Quotes

Frasier: The doctor says it's all just a matter of aging. Well, no reason to let it ruin our festive lunch.
Martin: Yeah, boy, you don't forget that trip to the doctor, do you? That day he says, "There's nothing I can do for ya, you're just getting old, sport."
Frasier: In my case it was "slugger" but that was the gist.
Martin: Yeah, well, you know what I realize? When people reach our stage of life...
Frasier: Dad, please, with all due respect. When it comes to life's journeys, you and I don't share a stage. We're not even in the same theatre.

Martin: Fras, will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture.
Frasier: Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic!
Martin: So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
Frasier: It makes me look like I discovered fire.

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!