Frasier: Yes well, Daphne, don't be too hard on him. The Crane men haven't had a great deal of success in the romance department lately. We're all a bit gun-shy.
Daphne: Ah, yes, gun-shy, sensitive, picky. You're all full of excuses. You know, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get any of you married off and out of this house.

Frasier: Hello Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. You know, I was reminded this morning of a jaunty aphorism that's credited to the great thinker Spinoza...
Roz: Oh God. [takes first call] Frasier Crane Show, what's your problem?
Mary: "Hi, I'm kind of... indecisive."
Roz: Well, I'm not. [takes next call] Frasier Crane Show, what's your problem?
Roger: "I'm thinking of changing careers, I feel kinda trapped."
Roz: Well, it's not a very exciting problem, but I'll see if I can get you on. Hold, please. [takes next call] Frasier Crane Show, what's your problem?
Bill: "It's sort of embarrassing."
Roz: Amen!
Bill: "I was a bed-wetter as a child and I think the problem's coming back."
Roz: Great. Hold, please. [goes back to Roger] Hey, Career Change, I've got a bed-wetter holding. When you say "trapped," is it possible you feel you are a woman trapped inside a man's body?
Roger: "I don't think so."
Roz: I don't think I can get you on today, then.
Roger: "Gee, I really wanted to talk to him... I guess that could be part of it."
Roz: Good answer. Hold, please. [to Bill] Hey Bed-Wetter, I've got a transsexual in crisis, you gotta beat that. Have you ever wet a bed with anyone else in it? A hooker, a stripper, or maybe your best friend's wife?
Bill: "No."
Roz: Do you want to talk to the doc or not?
Bill: "OK. Er, I guess the third one."
Roz: Hold, please. [to Roger] Hey Transsexual.
Roger: "Is that me?"
Roz: Yeah. Have you ever run for political office, or considered running for political office?
Roger: "What, you mean like congressman or something?"
Roz: Perfect!

Frasier: Well, it's Saturday night. And here we are... again.
Martin: Wonder how many women are out there tonight without a date.
Niles: Thousands. Thousands of opportunities for us to humiliate ourselves.
Frasier: Well, come and get us, Seattle! Three Cranes, no waiting.
Martin: We're desperate!
Frasier: We're ludicrous!
Niles: We're pathetic!