Frasier: Hello, condo owners. I'm sorry my opponent has chosen to be vindictive about my family, but that is merely characteristic of her behavior during her entire term in office. How else would one explain this? This citation my father received last night is a perfect example of the prejudice that this woman is capable of.
Ms. Langer: We are all aware of your father's behavior last night. I'm surprised you're not too afraid to bring it up.
Frasier: Ashamed? Not at all! I defend his behavior! So he had his little friend out where he shouldn't be. So what? He's been doing it for years!
Ms. Langer: You approve of his behavior?
Frasier: Approve? I applaud it! Have you no compassion? My father is getting older. He hasn't many pleasures left in life. I can't tell you the hours of joy that that little guy has brought him. And not just him. Who among us can't help but break into a smile upon seeing the little fella? Oh, I know, you know, sometimes it is irksome when his little Eddie appears at any inopportune moments, but...
Ms. Langer: He's named it Eddie?
Frasier: Not exactly, of course, a name I might have chosen. I might have gone with something a bit more... Oh, I don't know, whimsical like, uh, oh... Puck. You know, the frolicsome sprite from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." Don't look so shocked. Whom does it really harm if he unleashes Eddie once in a while? Come on, it's not as though he's alone in this behavior. Mrs. Tortwurst, I've seen you do the same thing many times with your Fluffy. You know, if you ask me, not only is this behavior harmless, it's laudable. Why, you should see the looks on the faces of the schoolchildren when he takes Eddie out by the playground.
[Daphne rushes in.]
Frasier: What, what, what?
[Daphne whispers in Frasier's ear. He reviews the citation again.]
Frasier: On the other hand, we all need rules. [turns to Daphne] Go, go, go!
[Frasier and Daphne run out. He sticks his head back in the room:]
Frasier: Sorry about the knocker.

Niles: Well, last night I invited Dad to use my apartment for a quiet, romantic dinner with Sherry while I attended "La Traviata." Well, the production was just dreadful. In "Ah, fors'e lui," the soprano couldn't hit the E flat above high C to save her life. So, I got so fed up I stormed out, drove home, entered my apartment and when I saw what Dad and Sherry were doing there, I hit the note myself.
Frasier: You mean they were...
Niles: They were!
Frasier: Oh! What did you do?
Niles: Pulled up a chaise lounge and took out my opera glasses, what do you think I did? I slammed the door and ran away. I've never been so embarrassed.

Martin: I'd love to cook a nice romantic dinner for Sherry, but I can't do it at her place because I'm allergic to her cats and there's just no privacy around here.
Niles: Say no more, Dad. My bachelor pad is the perfect place to entertain a young lady. Just remember: Always use coasters, no snacking in the carpeted areas, and close the art books after viewing so you don't crease the spine.
Frasier: I believe they have the same rules at the Playboy Mansion.