Martin: Wow, you got a nickname down there already. That's great. The Coyote?
Niles: Yes.
Frasier: And how did you earn that honorific?
Niles: Oh, it was quite the merry road. Yes. It evolved from Niles to Nilesy to Niley to Nile E. Coyote and now simply "The Coyote."
[the group of men from the Shangri-La howl]
Niles: Oh, well, just when I thought it couldn't be refined any further.

Frasier: Go ahead, Sophie, I'm listening.
Sophie: "Hi, Dr. Crane. My husband's having some of his friends over to watch the game Sunday, and I think it'd be nice if some of my girlfriends could come over, too."
Frasier: Sounds reasonable.
Sophie: "Exactly. I mean, it's just football."
Larry: "Not football, Einstein. It's the Super Bowl."
Frasier: Ah, that would be your doting husband now.
Sophie: "Larry, this is a private conversation. And for God's sake, use a plate."
Frasier: Sophie, why don't you put your husband on the line?
Sophie: "Pick up."
Larry: "Ah, geez. Hello."
Frasier: Larry, I gotta tell you, I'm afraid I side with your wife on this one.
Larry: "That just proves you don't know the first thing about football."
Frasier: What I do or do not know about football has...
Larry: "Okay, how's this: My wife's friends can come over if you can answer even one little football question. Like..."
Frasier: Now, I don't see that that's in any...
Larry: "You're down by six. You're on your own. Forty-three seconds left. What do you do?"
Frasier: Well, all right, you would...
[Roz helps Frasier out by holding up two telephone receivers]
Frasier: You would take your receivers, [Roz sets them together] and line them up, [she pretends to throw] and then throw a pass. [big throwing gesture] A long, long pass.
Larry: "Yeah, and what's the name for that?"
[Roz gets down on her knees, does the mark of the cross on her face, puts her hands together and looks to the heavens]
Frasier: A Hail Mary. Sophie and Larry, I hope you enjoy the game. In the meanwhile, this is Coach Crane saying, I'm listening.

Roz: I'm impressed you're so good at charades.
Frasier: I'm impressed you could mime a virgin.

Martin: Hey, look what I got here, boys. A Funion Onion. The chef sent it over with his compliments.
Frasier: I wonder what his insults are like.

Frasier: Roz, will you just look at the two of them.
Roz: How did you two manage to finish all that?
Joanna: Oh, please. This is how our generation ate every day. I used to live on cigarettes, whiskey sours and bacon cheeseburgers.
Martin: Yeah, and what about breakfast? Fried eggs, sausage patties, hash browns...
Niles: My God, last night I ate a profiterole and lay awake 'til dawn waiting for my heart attack.

Roz: My mother doesn't make mistakes. She does everything well. She's smart, successful, classy. Oh, what the hell was I thinking?
Frasier: About what? Setting her up with my father?
Roz: No, that's not what I meant.
Frasier: That is exactly what you meant.
Roz: Well, okay, Frasier. No offense, your father is a very nice man, but let's face it, my mother was the attorney general of Wisconsin.
Frasier: Well I hope he remembers to curtsy before the Dairy Queen.

Joanna: Well, I hope you'll understand if I just slip out without saying goodbye to Martin?
Frasier: Of course, Joanna. The last thing we need today is another awkward situation.
Martin: [o.s.] Whoa-ho-ho, Roz. Knock, will ya?

Frasier: Ah, well, we're both gonna be fine. I was just thinking, though, if we wanna play it safe, we could make one of those, uh, pacts.
Roz: Oh, oh. You mean, like in forty years, if neither one of us finds anyone...
Frasier: Yeah, exactly, we'll marry each other.
Roz: I was gonna say kill each other.
Frasier: Well, six of one.

Joanna: Those were simpler times, weren't they, Marty?
Martin: Oh yeah, we didn't worry about dumb things like cholesterol. We worried about putting food on the table, keeping the yard clean and the car shiny.
Joanna: And the H-bomb.
Martin: Well, yeah, that.

Niles: Looks like both of us have difficult conversations ahead of us.
Frasier: What's yours?
Niles: All week long, I have been getting less coffee and more foam in my cappuccino. It's about time for someone to raise a little hell. Who's on steamer duty?
Frasier: Well, it's that hulking fellow, Thad. The one who doesn't react when his arm touches the steamer nozzle.
[Niles watching as a tall, strongly-built man returns from the back of the coffee house]
Niles: Well, where is that suggestion box?