Frasier: Bebe, throughout our relationship, I have put up with a lot. But I never doubted for an instant your devotion to my career. Apparently, that is at an end. And so, therefore, is my association with this agency. And, screw, may I add, you!

Bebe: Frasier Crane, I wish my eyes were sore so you could be a sight for them.

Niles: What's the big deal? Why do you hate going to the doctor so much?
Martin: Everybody does.
Daphne: Not my brother Billy. He loved going to the doctors. From the time he was a little boy, he'd start getting undressed in the car. And mind you, that was just for the dentist. As he got older, he volunteered for medical studies, supported himself getting all sorts of experimental drugs pumped into him. [goes into the kitchen]
Martin: Think she's finished?
Niles: Wait for it.
Daphne: [returning] One year, he grew little boobies.

Bebe: Well, you've become too big to be served by the efforts of one adoring mortal. That's why I'm bringing on more firepower.
Frasier: Oh, I like the sound of that!
Bebe: I thought you might. Frasier, meet your new agent, Portia Sanders.
Portia: Pleased to meet you.
Frasier: We've met. Several hundred times. This is your assistant.
Bebe: Not anymore. Now she's a full-fledged junior agent.
Frasier: She brings me coffee. [takes the cup she's brought]
Bebe: She'll bring you Juan Valdez on a donkey if that's what you want.

Frasier: My God, this is the competition? Dr. Zach? Please. It's nothing but suggestive, smarmy sleaze.
Roz: And he's great at it.
Frasier: Roz. You know what, I tell you what, I give this guy four, five weeks, tops.
Kenny: He's been on the air ten weeks. And frankly, we're getting spanked.
Roz: Oh, he did a whole show on that yesterday.

Frasier: So, well... all right, he's the new flavor of the month. We've seen them come and go before. Dr. Mary,
Professor Hugs, "On the Couch With Jeff and Lars."
Kenny: I don't know, Doc, I think this guy's got staying power.
Roz: He did a whole show on that Tuesday.
Frasier: Cut it out, Roz.

Kenny: Hey, you know, maybe we should try some of those theme shows.
Frasier: You know what, actually, we have done theme shows. You know, I still get letters about the show we did on existential angst.
Roz: No, we don't.
Frasier: I get them at home.

Portia: I thought we should start by scheduling a meeting to get more acquainted.
Frasier: We've met!
Portia: You've only met Portia the assistant, the girl who's spent the last four years answering phones and getting your coffee just right. Well, Portia the agent plans to take that same attention to detail when representing you.
Frasier: I'm sorry, but you've never gotten my coffee right.
Portia: You never said anything before.
Frasier: Yes, I have. Every time.

Portia: I was thinking we could have that meeting next Tuesday.
Frasier: We have met!

Roz: She seems very persistent. That's not such a horrible thing to have in an agent.
Frasier: I'd rather have no agent at all, than let Bebe win. You know, that's not such a bad idea. I don't need an agent, I can represent myself. I mean, I have some insight into the human mind. I think that would be helpful in negotiations. My God, I should have thought of this sooner. Just think of the money I could save.
Roz: Isn't that what you said when you cut your own hair?
Frasier: No. That was just an emotional response to an unruly cowlick.