Frasier: Listen, Dad. Do you mind giving me a ride to work today? My car is in the shop.
Martin: Again?
Frasier: Well, yeah, my seat-warmer's stuck on high, so I tried to offset it by blasting the air conditioner, which resulted in sort of a fog bank on my dashboard.

Frasier: Niles! Thank God you're here. Listen, there's something I need to discuss with you.
Niles: Oh, wait, wait, wait. I'm in the middle of composing a plea to Alfred Antin in the meter of Dr. Seuss.
Frasier: Who?
Niles: Theodore Geisel, the children's author. You know, "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam-I-Am..."
Frasier: Yes, yes, I know who Dr. Seuss is, you ninny.

Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me! Did it occur to you that some of us might still be trying to sleep?
Martin: Oh, lighten up, Fras, Ronee was just showing me how she can change the lyrics to any song to suit the occasion.
Frasier: Yes, very impressive. Does she take requests?
Martin: Sure!
Frasier: Stop it!

Ronee: I can give you a ride, Fras. I mean, it's just an old Caddy, so there's nothing fancy like butt warmers or seat belts.
Frasier: Fine. Let me just make sure my will is in order, and I'll be back in a minute.

Frasier: Who's the other guy?
Niles: Oh-oh, Alfred Antin. He's Seattle's premier scenic painter specializing in children's rooms. His billowing clouds can be seen scudding across the ceilings of the finest nurseries in town, but he's booked solid. So I thought if I wrote this... Oh, you've lost interest, haven't you?
Frasier: I was feigning interest to begin with.

Martin: Oh, I know you guys aren't interested in modern music, but Ronee would really love it. I was hoping maybe you could use your connections to maybe score us a couple of seats?
Frasier: Well, I'm afraid I'm not very well-connected in the doo-wop world, Dad. Uh, if there's ever a "Mahler-palooza," I'm your man.

Martin: So you eavesdropped, huh?
Frasier: No.
Martin: Well, a person's having a private conversation. You stop and listen, that's eavesdropping!
Frasier: Dad, it was completely by accident. I understand why you'd be upset, but please don't shoot the messenger.
Martin: Well, the messenger's got it coming if he's a dirty little eavesdropper! You walk into a private conversation, you make your presence known by some subtle way. You can-can clear your throat- [clears throat] you can make a noise- [hits the table]
Frasier: Dad, please!
Martin: [gets up] You know, just because people call in for your precious pearls of wisdom on the radio, it doesn't give you a free pass to get into everybody's business! Now I know why you're always saying, "I'm listening", because you always are!

Niles: What are we looking for?
Frasier: Well, my money clip. Have you seen it?
Niles: Rarely.

Ronee: Frasier, what are you doing?
Frasier: I didn't know you two were home. Uh, I was just cleaning the oven. I must have dozed off.
Ronee: Cool. Well, I gotta run. Goodnight, you two.
Martin: Yeah.
Ronee: See ya. [exits]
Martin: [to Frasier] You have a disease!

Frasier: You are just angry because I heard you lying to Ronee. You really expect to win Ronee's heart by inventing fictitious girlfriends? "Sheila," indeed!
Martin: It's none of your business, and... you weren't supposed to hear it!
Frasier: Well, I did hear it.
Martin: No, you overheard it. It's like an illegal wiretap. Inadmissible!
Frasier: Dad, you cannot build a relationship on lies!
Martin: Inadmissible!
Frasier: Dad!
Martin: Inadmissible!
Frasier: Oh, fine!