Frasier: Niles, I-I need your advice on something. Uh, this morning, I-I heard Ronee on the phone make a date with another man.
Niles: Are you sure?
Frasier: I'm positive. She was talking to a man, yes, and in honeyed tones.
Niles: Mmm.
Frasier: Here's my predicament. I don't want to meddle, but I also don't want to see Dad get hurt. So, how do you suggest we tell him?
Niles: "We?"
Frasier: Yes, "we."
Niles: Don't drag me into this, I don't know a thing about it.
Frasier: You know as much as I do, I just briefed you.
Niles: Well, I didn't want to be briefed.
Frasier: Well, then you should have said something, now you're in as deep as I am. You can't unscramble an egg, Niles.

Martin: Oh, boys, boys, boys, I'm glad I caught you. Did you see this?
Niles: [reading] "Doo-wop-alooza"?
Martin: Yeah, one night only. All the greats of doo-wop: The Coasters, The Platters, and that guy from The Teenagers is back from his hip replacement.

Niles: Dad, I'll ask around. I have to go. I'm off to try and win the heart and mind of A. Antin. I'll go and meet him with my Daphne, and hope that things don't go ker-phaphne!

Niles: Anyway, Dad was thrilled when I told him I found the tickets.
Frasier: Oh well, I'm glad to hear that. He was just a bit vexed when he left me earlier this morning.
Niles: Over what...? [gasps] Frasier, you told him about Ronee's date.
Frasier: As we agreed.
Niles: "We"?
Frasier: Yes, "we."
Niles: There's no "we." There's never been a "we."
Frasier: Oh, give it up, Niles. There's blood on both our hands!

Frasier: Oh, gosh, I better go eat something. I've got my reading in twenty minutes.
Niles: Reading?
Frasier: Yes, yes, I'm, uh, reciting "Annabelle Lee" for the Poe Society this evening. I don't mind telling you, I'm just a bit nervous.
Niles: Oh, don't worry. po' folk don't'spect much. [laughs] I had to say that.

Frasier: Dad, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let me explain-
Martin: No, there's nothing to explain. I told you not to eavesdrop and you did it again, you are a very sick person.
Frasier: I tried to announce myself, but I had a mouthful of apple rendering me speechless.
Martin: Oh, I was a cop, you think I haven't heard that one before?

Daphne: Why can't your father just go to the concert by himself?
Niles: Because Alfred Antin will be offended if we don't use his tickets, and then he won't paint our nursery. [pleading] Don't you want to be the one to go with him?
Daphne: Forget it, Niles. We flipped a coin, and you were the doo-wop-a-loser.

Richard: So how do you all know each other?
Martin: Well, uh...
Niles: Ronee was my baby-sitter. I was a little monster.
Richard: [to Martin] And you?
Martin: Um... [Roz enters] Oh, Sheila! Where have you been? [Martin hugs Roz] This is my date, Sheila. [to Roz] Got stuck at work, huh?
Roz: Uh, yeah?
Martin: Sheila's a model. She does all those big auto and RV shows. Point to something.
Ronee: Wow, impressive. Nice meeting you.

Roz: What are you doing?
Martin: I'm trying to make her jealous. Just go with it.
Roz: But I'm meeting my own date here.
Niles: Dad, the concert starts in fifteen minutes, and Alfred Antin will be very angry if we're late.
Martin: Well, I can't leave unless Sheila comes with me.
Roz: Hello? Sheila has a date.

Daphne: Do we really need clouds on the ceiling? Couldn't we just push the crib closer to the ceiling?
Niles: Why even use a crib? Let's put him in a pizza box!