Frasier: That smug jackass!
Roz: Frasier, you have a radio show. If you wanted to say what you thought of a play, who's stopping you?
Frasier: It's not the same thing as being a real critic, Roz. You don't get free tickets. You don't get quoted. Forget hobnobbing.
Roz: My God, this competition between you and your brother is sick. Your obsessive one-upmanship. You're both going to end up bitter old cranks like Chester Ludgate.
Frasier: You know, you do raise a good point, Roz.
Roz: Thank you.
Frasier: Chester's time slot is free, I could do my own arts show.

Frasier: Kenny? Listen, Roz just had a wonderful idea.
Kenny: Yeah, doc?
Frasier: What do you say about yours truly hosting a bouncy little show about the arts in Seattle?
Kenny: Culture? Wow! That's a great idea, let me chew on that and I'll get back to you. [exits]
Frasier: Great. You see, Roz, he loved your idea
Roz: That was not my idea.
Frasier: It was too your idea.
Roz: It was not...
Kenny: [returning] Look, Doc, honestly, I feel kinda bad about what I just did. I let you think there was a chance that I might you let you do this culture show and... there's not.
Frasier: No chance at all?
Kenny: No. I mean, come on, Doc. You, culture, opera. Who's listening? Not me!

Frasier: You know, Poppy, we could join each other for lunch after your shopping spree.
Poppy: Oh, I'd love it.
Frasier: Would you really? You know, it just seems a shame you leaving the station and us never really getting to know one another.
Poppy: Oh, it hasn't been easy. I mean, with your having those dental appointments everyday.
Frasier: Yes. Let me walk you out.
Poppy: You know, I should get the name of your dentist. I can't find one I like. They're always giving me Novocaine when I don't need it and then it's hours before I can talk again.
Frasier: Oh, yes, well, I can give you his number, although I'm not sure he'd be any different.

Poppy: Frasier, I'm so glad you're on board with this.
Frasier: You know, my only concern is will Kenny go for it? You see, he's a bit of a philistine. It might be better if the suggestion came not actually from us but from... someone else.
Poppy: Who?
Frasier: Well, someone with more authority, power, influence... Someone older... A woman perhaps...
Daphne: Your mother! He means your mother!
Poppy: Oh, what a great idea. I'll call her.

Daphne: You took Eddie to the vet, is he sick?
Martin: No, it turns out the building security camera caught Eddie taking out Robbie Greenberg's hamster. So this Greenberg kid's trying to make Eddie out to be some kind of pit bull, he's organizing some petition to get him banned from the building.
Frasier: Oh, Dad, that's terrible.
Martin: Yeah, it is. So, I don't know, I just wanted everyone to see what a nice, calm, friendly dog Eddie was.
Frasier: Why did you take him to the vet?
Martin: Tranquilizers. They don't even work anyway. I gave Eddie one of those pills on the ride home, they didn't do a thing to him. I don't know, I think maybe he needs something else.
Daphne: Uh, Mr. Crane? [Eddie is splayed out flat on the floor]
Frasier: Looks like all he needs is a lava lamp and some sitar music.

Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Well, I'm glad to see you're in a better mood. I was hoping you'd lend me your Tennessee Williams biography. I have to review that revival of "Streetcar" tonight and I wanted to throw in some background stuff.
Frasier: Well, I'm sorry Niles, you know, normally I would. Except I'll be needing it myself for my own review.
Niles: Oh. Well, in that case I'll... What?
Frasier: Oh, that's right, you wouldn't have heard. You see, starting tomorrow I'll be doing my own little arts show on KACL, twice weekly.
Niles: You envious reptile.
Frasier: Paté?
Niles: I achieve one thing, one tiny distinction you don't have, and what do you do? You run whining to Kenny for extra airtime.
Frasier: I did no such thing.
Daphne: No, he went to that Poppy woman instead.
Niles: Poppy?
Frasier: [to Daphne] Is this a panel discussion?

Poppy: All these buttons, how do you do it?
Frasier: Oh, it's not that complicated, really. You know, I turn on the mike here. These are my call buttons. Oh, and I push this button here if I want to cough.
Poppy: How does it make you cough?