Marie: All right, Frank. What's going on?
Frank: What?
Marie: Well, something's wrong. You don't just say no to pie, and touch my shoulder, and think. You have been acting weird ever since we got back from the hospital today.
Frank: Uh, on second thought, I do want sex. You're so beautiful, I can't resist you, honey.
Marie: Really? Since when do you say that? Usually all I get is, "Hey, come here a minute." What is it, Frank? Just tell me.
Frank: Okay, it's no big deal now, but you gotta promise not to tell anybody I told you.
Marie: Of course I promise. What is it?
Frank: When you were in the hospital and went to the bathroom, the nurse came out and said they were having a little trouble waking up Ray from the knockout stuff.
Marie: What?!
Frank: But two seconds later, he was fine. Perfectly fine.
Marie: My son almost dies, and you don't tell me?!
Frank: He was fine. [Marie gets out of bed] Where are you going?
Marie: What is wrong with you?!
Frank: He's fine. Marie, wait. Hey, come here a minute.

Debra: We will all be so much happier when you get this done. Right, kids?
Kids: Yeah.
Ray: That's 'cause you think Mom's gonna take the insurance money and buy everyone a pony.

Debra: Your throat hurts, doesn't it?
Ray: No. No, look, I want a second opinion.
Debra: This is your third opinion.
Ray: Look, those doctors, they just want money. I don't trust them. I want an expert.
Marie: [enters] I got your message, Raymond. Don't let them touch you!
Ray: I won't, Mom. I won't.

Ray: What's up?
Debra: Nothing, just thinking. Just... Tomorrow. Everything I have to do, all the stuff you know, make breakfast, take the kids to school. I have some grocery shopping. We need chicken and some green beans and cereal and shampoo and potatoes and cookies. Then I have to pick up the dry-cleaning. They still have some of your shirts. [starts to sob] And then get the kids and take the boys to soccer... Get new uniforms. They're really cute. And I thought you could meet us at Marco's for dinner, maybe. You know, just get a pizza and then go home and... [weeps] Put the kids to bed and then maybe we could watch a movie.
Ray: Time of the month, huh?
Debra: No. No, Ray. No, I'm fine.
Ray: Oh.
Debra: Really.
Ray: All right, okay. Okay. You know, I could pick up the dry-cleaning if you want me to.
Debra: I don't want you to. You always bring home somebody else's. [kisses Ray]
Ray: Wow. I guess this new voice, it's pretty sexy, right?
Debra: I'm sorry, do you wanna finish your ice cream?
Ray: Oh, it won't even have time to melt.

Marie: Frank?
Frank: Yeah?
Marie: What are you doing?
Frank: Just thinking.
Marie: What's the matter, the TV broken?
Frank: No.
Marie: Look, if you're worried about Robert eating that last piece of pie, why don't you go down and get it right now? [After Marie rolls over, Frank turns to her and places his hand on her shoulder] Frank, get the pie yourself.
Frank: I don't want the pie. What, a guy can't just touch his wife's shoulder?
Marie: Frank, it's late, and I'm not in the mood.
Frank: Uh, this ain't that. You know, I was thinking sometimes I say stuff, like, you know, "You're old. You got a big mouth. You're a pain in the ass."
Marie: Oh well, now I'm in the mood.
Frank: No, I don't know what the hell I'm saying. It's just that I'm glad we're... You know?

Ray: What about me? How could you not tell me this? If somebody dies, you gotta tell them.
Debra: You didn't die.
Ray: Yeah, well, what if I did? I would have never known. And besides, now that I think about it, I think I saw a light.
Debra: Come on.
Ray: Yes. And also, I thought I heard someone who sounded like Uncle Gus.
Marie: Uncle Gus died eight years ago. How did he look?

Ray: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I've been feeling a little weird all day. What if... What if I lost some brain functions while I was under, huh? Look at this. Look at this. I'm walking weird.
Frank: That's because your mother was just on you.
Ray: No, no, no. I'm walking a little lopsided.
Debra: All right, you're fine, Ray.
Marie: Hop on one foot.
Ray: Yeah?
Marie: What's your address?
Ray: 320 Fowler.
Marie: What town?
Ray: Lynbrook.
Marie: What's my birthday?
Ray: Uh...
Marie: Oh, my God!
Ray: No. December 9.
Frank: 1802!

Ray: Wait a minute. How about this thing?
[Ray hops on one leg, while patting his head and rubbing his stomach]
Robert: So I guess now we'll watch Raymond do anything.

Debra: He found out what happened.
Amy: Wait a minute, he knows?
Marie: Yes, and I know too, Amy.
Ray: Wait a minute. Everybody knows? How long was I dead for?
Debra: You weren't dead. The nurse came out, said they were having a slight problem, and the doctor came out 30 seconds later and said you were fine.
Ray: Okay, but but for 30 seconds you all thought I might be dead. What'd everybody do?
Debra: You weren't dead. It was 30 seconds.
Ray: 30 seconds is a long time. What went through your head? 30 seconds, okay, go. "Oh, I have to plan a funeral. I have to raise three kids myself. On the other hand, I can start dating, yeah. You know what? I'm gonna need some shoes. You know who's cute? Gianni."
Marie: Debra!

Debra: So how is it?
Ally: Great. How much more do we have to eat before dessert?
Debra: This ain't your night, kid. I made dessert too.