Ray: [on the phone] No no, listen to me. Listen to me. The problem, it's with your satellite. I was in the middle of the movie, and it went out for 23 minutes, and now I've missed the middle of the movie. And the ending, it doesn't make sense! Like, who the hell is that guy?
Debra: [enters] Hi!
Ray: Wait! Yes. Yes, it's back on right now, but I don't know what's happening. Oh, look at this! Why is she shooting him? They were in love! I just forget about it. My whole evening is ruined. Okay. Thank you. [hangs uo] Drunks!
Debra: Another stressful night of watching TV, Ray?
Ray: It's not funny. I was emotionally hooked.

Ray: What are you so happy about?
Debra: Nothing. We had a great night at our church meeting. It was all about signing up for different community services.
Ray: Oh, God.
Debra: I signed up for a couple of things.
Ray: Oh, okay. So we're covered.
Debra: And I thought it might be nice if you would volunteer to help some people in need.
Ray: Nah, that's not really my thing.
Debra: Well, you might want to make it your thing because I signed you up, too.

Debra: Yeah, one hour a week at St. Theresa's Hospital.
Ray: An hour?!
Debra: Yes. This is about giving your time, getting involved.
Ray: Look, I'll write 'em a check.
Debra: No, Ray, 'cause it's not about money.
Ray: Oh, no? Listen, money talks, and we all know what walks, okay? Believe me, they'll be very happy with my $20.

Ray: Hi. Hi, uh I'm here to volunteer.
Claudia: Oh, are you with the church program?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, Ray Barone. I signed up 'cause that's what I'm all about.

Ray: I'm totally fine, and I want to volunteer, so so, uh, what do I do?
Claudia: You know Mrs. Gorman in 408? Maybe he could help out with her.
Jean: I think she already knows how to fall down.
Claudia: No, she likes baseball. He might be able to talk about sports, cheer her up get her to take her pills. She's kind of a lonely old lady. You want to try it?
Ray: Yeah, okay. Sure. So just talk to her and tell her to take her pills?
Jean: Yeah.
Ray: Okay. Right in there?
Jean: Yeah.
Ray: Okay. She's not bleeding, is she?
Jean: Why didn't you just write a check?

Robert: Okay, got your new plunger.
Debra: Oh, thanks, Robert. Michael flushed an action figure.
Robert: What are you feeding that kid?

Debra: No, you know, it's nice. It's just that he's gone all the time.
Robert: So what are you saying, you miss him?
Debra: Yeah, when I need the toilet plunged.

Marie: Did Raymond get back yet? I've got ravioli!
Frank: And I've got my stretchy pants on!
Debra: Marie, why did you make ravioli? I was going to cook.
Marie: Oh, I just thought Raymond should have something nice.
Marie: Raymond's doing such good things at the hospital. Lee's nephew needed a cast and Raymond cheered him up... [laughing] by blowing up a surgical glove! Can you imagine?
Robert: He's a genius!

Marie: Raymond, Lee told me about your wonderful glove trick.
Ray: Yeah, I'm a tricky, tricky white boy. Hey, look what they gave me.
Marie: "Authorized personnel"?
Ray: That's right. I can go anywhere. And if I'm exposed to radiation, this changes color. You know, I make some of the rounds with some of the nurses. I give them a few humorous anecdotes. They even said I could entertain in the geriatric ward.
Marie: You're practically a doctor!
Robert: Yeah, Ma, you can either go to medical school or blow up a glove.
Ray: Turns out I've got kind of a touch with the patients, you know? I've had a lot of practice dealing with difficult personalities.
Debra: Yes, he has.

Marie: I always knew you had it in you, Raymond, and here it is. You've blossomed into a humanitarian.
Robert: Wow. Glad I brought this. [holds up plunger]