Frank: Hey, Ray, the next time you go to the hospital, get me some of those extra-long Q-tips, the kind you can really crank on.

Marie: I'm gonna get you something to eat, dear. It's time somebody did something for you.
Robert: You know what? I serve the public too, you know, Ma.
Marie: Don't brag, Robbie. It's not becoming.

Ray: Hey. I thought I'd see who's in the lounge and maybe give a little talk about baseball.
Claudia: Oh well, actually, we already have entertainment for tonight.
Robert: Now, now, Traffic Cop Timmy the food at the hospital isn't that bad. [as Timmy] "Yeah, you're right.
It's fit for a king. Here, King! Come on, boy! Here, boy! Where are you?" All right, Timmy.

Ray: All right, all right! Great show! Officer Barone and his plastic puppet, everybody. Yeah, okay. Thank you for filling in. All right, hey. Want to see something funny? I know what to do with this. [blows up a glove] Hey, it's a balloon! Whoop it's a turkey! Gobble gobble gobble! Hey hey, everybody, I'm milking myself.
Mrs. Gorman: Boo!
Robert: [as Timmy] "Yes, madam, I agree with you. This guy's act is a 'Do not resuscitate.' So, what does a guy have to do to get a sponge bath around here? Thank you. You've been great. Remember to tip your nurses."

Ray: You know what Robert is? He's a competitive, selfish, little, tiny, pea-brained giant, and a hack!
Debra: What are you talking about?
Ray: He waited till there was an opening, then he snuck into the hospital to steal my thunder.
Debra: Why was Robert at the hospital?
Ray: To steal my thunder! He-he comes in there with his idiotic little Timmy doll and his lame jokes and his lips moving all around. "Oh, Raymond. What, are you here for your emergency nose reduction?"
Debra: Timmy said that to you? [laughs]
Ray: It's not funny. It's stupid. And they were all laughing at it, all of them the nurses, the patients like the funniest thing they ever heard. If that's what they want, they can have it. I'm not going back to that place. Saint Stupid Stupid Hospital for the Incurably Stupid.
Debra: So you're quitting?
Ray: Yes. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I quit.
Debra: Well, if you don't think you should go back, then you shouldn't go.
Ray: Well, I don't, so I won't! He doesn't even bother to dress the dummy up like a doctor or a nurse. He's such a hack!

Debra: You know what? You've put in so much time over there. You should just stay here where you're appreciated.
Ray: Damn straight!
Debra: As a matter of fact, you know what I would appreciate? The kids are still running around upstairs. Could you go and tie them to their beds?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, all right.
Debra: And tomorrow night, if it's okay, Amy asked me to go out to dinner and a movie.
Ray: So you're all right with me quitting this charity thing?
Debra: Hey, charity begins at home.

Robert: Hey, guys.
Ray: Oh, look who it is. Where's your little boyfriend?
Robert: Raymond, look, I'm sorry what happened tonight at the hospital. It's just that Timmy gets on a roll and it's kind of hard to stop him. Look, here, I brought you a pineapple. Mrs. Deets can't take all the acidity.
Ray: I don't want your pineapple! I was feeling pretty good about myself until you showed up with your little evil plan to take away my gift of giving!
Robert: Evil plan?
Ray: That's right!
Robert: There was no plan. Debra just suggested I go over with Traffic Cop Timmy and spread a little cheer.

Debra: Robert, why did you have to say that?
Robert: Is that why you really wanted me to entertain at the hospital? You said I should go there because I was a great ventriloquist.
Debra: You are, Robert.
Robert: [gasps] Debra!
Debra: Oh, Robert, look, I'm sorry...
Robert: No, no. It's okay. You don't have to apologize to me.
Debra: But Robert, l... [Robert points to the heavens]
Robert: And for your information, I got laughs. I got real laughs. I tore the roof off the sucker.