Robert Quote #258

Quote from Robert in No Thanks

Robert: Okay, okay. I got one for you. All right, there's this old man, right? He's sitting on this park bench and he's crying uncontrollably, right? This guy walks up, he says, "Hey, old man, what seems to be the problem?" And the guy says, "I just married a beautiful 25-year-old woman," right? "Every evening she cooks me this great gourmet meal, then we have a wonderful night of passion, and we fall asleep in each other's arms," right? So the guy says, "Well, then why are you crying?" And the old man... [laughs] So he... Okay, okay. So the old man says... [all laughing]
Debra: Come on, spit it out.
Robert: The old man says...
Ray: Come on.
Robert: The old man says... The old man says, "I forgot where I live!" Right? Forgot where he lives.
Frank: That's a good one. I love an old man joke.
Marie: I married one.
Frank: Another good one!
Amy: [continues laughing after everyone has stopped] Everyone have wine?
Robert: Yeah, okay. Thank you, Amy.

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 ‘No Thanks’ Quotes

Quote from Marie

Marie: All right, Deb, we're gonna... All right, we've had in the past, we've had our share of tiffs but I truly believe it's because you misunderstand me. I am not interested in a relationship of artificial pleasantries and phony smiles. You never ever have to pretend with me. I'm always honest with you, aren't I? And if I see something that you desperately need help with, like cooking, cleaning, the children, your hair, I care so much that I have to say something 'cause I want to help. Oh, honey. You don't have to be worried, dear. I forgive you for today. And I'm always here to help.
Ray: Voila.

Quote from Ray

Ray: What are you doing? A whole day cooking with my mother.
Debra: Hey, look, unless I make an effort to change my behavior, I can't expect your family to change theirs.
And you could try this too, you know?
Ray: Why? I'm used to them. It's like getting into a hot bath. At first it's so hot that you don't think you can take it, but then, you know, once you get your luggage in, it's not that bad.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Marie, you were criticizing me, asking me if I knew how to stir, explaining a rolling pin to me.
Marie: No, I was just offering you useful advice like I always do.
Debra: "Advice."
Marie: Of course. It's one of the joys of my life. But today for some reason, you seemed to take it so badly.
Debra: What?!
Ray: [to Robert] Excuse me one second. Hold on. Can you pass the canapes, please?
Debra: Badly? I was laughing. I was making jokes about myself.
Marie: I know, and to be honest, I found that terribly sarcastic.
Debra: What do you mean, sarcastic?
Marie: Well, it means a sort of phony facade.
Debra: I think I know what sarcastic means.