Robert: Hey, Ray, how come you're not going over to see your new best friends the Stipes, huh? Mom was just going on and on about how they loved your stories.
Debra: See, Ray?
Ray: I was being polite!
Robert: You know they were my friends first. They would have loved my stories, too. I just happened to be in the sitz bath when they came over.

Seth Stipe: I love your baseball stuff.
Ray: Thanks.
Seth Stipe: Except you could be a little more objective about the Mets.
Ray: What?
Debra: Ray. Ray.
Seth Stipe: You seem to have a real axe to grind there.
Ray: Well you understand that they pay me to write my opinions, not to be objective. You know, I find that in sports writing if you pull your punches, you're gonna end up the one getting hit.
Harry Stipe: Oh. Now that's a pro, son. That's why you're still on that internet.
Seth Stipe: Hey, I bow to the master.

Robert: Hey, Rita, Harry. Sorry I missed you last night.
Harry Stipe: Hey, Rodney!
Harry Stipe: So tell Seth that story you were telling us about the squirrel that ran up your leg at the Kingdome.
Rita Stipe: Oh, that was so funny!
Robert: Oh, you told them the squirrel story, huh, Ray? Isn't that Chuck Wilson's story?
Ray: It's not Chuck Wilson's story.
Robert: Yes, it is!
Ray: It's not.
Robert: I'll tell you a story. I was recently gored by a bull which is about 2000 times larger than a squirrel. You see, they were having an illegal rodeo...

Rita Stipe: Oh, here it is! Raymond, would you mind?
Ray: You wanna take my picture?
Rita Stipe: Yes.
Ray: Okay, yeah. All right.
Harry Stipe: Here, Rodney, would you mind getting a picture of all of us?
Robert: Why would I mind? Add a little insult to my injury.

Ray: Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?
Debra: I'm going to eat. I would ask you to come along but I see you have a girlfriend, and three boyfriends and another girlfriend.
Ray: Look, it's okay. They said I could see other people. Okay, all right, I'm sorry. Stop.
Debra: You have a problem.
Ray: Give me your keys. You can't drive in this condition. Come on. I don't have a problem.
Debra: This can't keep happening, Ray. You have a sick connection to your parents. You understand? This is sick!
Ray: All right. We've already been over that.
Debra: And you're worse now! You don't get enough attention from your parents, so you have to get an extra set? You're sick!

Marie: Oh, I know, I know, but couldn't you just spend a few minutes with us? I mean, you hardly talked to Seth at all.
Ray: Well, Ma, I don't even know Seth, okay? I don't even know the Stipes. The Stipes are your friends. Why don't you just go and be with your friends?
Marie: Because we need you, Raymond.
Ray: What do you mean, you need me? Why? Dad's in there. He's funny.
Marie: No, he's not. Could you come in for just a few minutes?
Ray: No, no, no. Ma, it's enough, please, it's enough.
Marie: Okay, okay. Yeah. It's fine. I understand. It's just that I like to see you with them, because I don't get to see you like that anymore.
Ray: Like what?
Marie: Well, when you come over to the house now, it's just to eat or watch a game. It's different to see you excited when you're talking. I like it.

Rita Stipe: We're taking your parents to the big senior jamboree at the VFW!
Ray: Wow, senior jamboree! That's perfect! That's perfect for you, Ma. You'll have fun! You go, you'll have fun. Go ahead.
Debra: You should go too, Ray.
Ray: What?
Debra: Yeah, you were just telling your mom that you wanted to spend more time with them.
Harry Stipe: Yeah, come on with us, Ray. They're giving free eye tests tonight!
Ray: No! No, I mean, look, we wanted to go out to eat, right?
Debra: But you gotta give the people what they want.