Marie: Hello, dears.
Ray: Were you in my office, Mom?
Marie: Yeah. [chuckles] I was trying to get a pen to do the crosswords. You know your desk drawer is locked?
Debra: Oh, yeah, we lock it now.
Marie: Oh?
Ray: Yeah, it keeps the kids out.
Marie: That's a good idea. I broke a knife in it.

Ray: Listen, Dad. I was wondering something. When was the last time that you said, "I love you" to... anybody?
Frank: "I love you"?
Ray: Yeah.
Frank: What, do you live in a freaking fairyland or something?

Ally: Hi, Daddy. Hi, Mommy.
Frank: Watch this. Try it like this, okay? "Stella!"
Ally: "Stella!"
Frank: Attagirl! [claps]
Debra: What are you doing?
Frank: Brando. "I could have been a contender."
Ray: Dad, come on, it's 10:30.
Frank: I had to let her stay up.
Debra: Why?
Ally: "l made him a offer he couldn't refuse."
Ray: Very nice, Dad. How are the twins? Are they gonna wake up doing De Niro and Nicholson?

Robert: Shower's broken. Must have been loose, because when I fiddled with it it came right out of the wall.
Ray: Oh, what are you doing? What are you taking a shower over here for?
Marie: Well, he came home from work, and we were here and you know your brother, he doesn't like to be alone in the house.
Robert: Could we go now? I'm cold.
Marie: Oh, sure. Come on, let's go. Let's go.
Debra: Uh, that's my towel. But we can get it later.
Frank: I'll patch the shower up for you tomorrow.
Ray: Of course you will.
Robert: You know that shampoo that says "No more tears"?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: There's tears.

Ray: Oh, yeah. Definitely broken. You know how I could tell? There should be a bathroom right here. You know, it's gotta be hard on Robert, being so gigantic. When he was a kid he wasn't allowed to pet the cat. [Debra silently nods] Come on. He couldn't pet the cat.

Ray: It's my brother, right?
Debra: No, it's...
Ray: It's my father. Yes, he's really annoying.
Debra: No, it's not.
Ray: It's my mom. Right, yeah, she broke our knife. Let's kill her. Come on. You're always saying we don't do things together. We'll kill her, and then a movie. I don't know. I don't know what I did. I'm usually good at knowing when it's me. Because it's usually me.

Ray: Look, you want me to say it? I love you. There, I said it.
Debra: Oh, yeah. Okay. There's the seven little words every woman wants to hear: "I love you. There, I said it."
Ray: Come on. Don't I say it when we-
Debra: Yelling it during sex doesn't count.

Debra: Come on, eat your breakfast here, guys.
Ally: Mama, I'm ready for my dessert.
Debra: Dessert? Now, Ally, I'm sorry, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Now finish your Count Chocula.

Ray: Listen, Dad, I gotta ask you something.
Frank: There, done! A couple of things you gotta remember. It's very easy.
Ray: Yeah. Like what?
Frank: Oh, it's nothing. Hot is now cold.
Ray: What else? Is the water gonna come out?
Frank: Yeah, sure. Here's what you do. You hold on to this one tight, and then you push and turn with this one. You're going to need at least two hands.
Ray: Yeah. At least.
Frank: The water comes out very hot at first. But save that. You're gonna need it later.