Frank: Grandpa Sal, very scary. He once made Mussolini wet himself. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him... when he wasn't hitting me.
Robert: Grandpa Joe hit you?
Frank: Sure. I got hit every day.
Ray: Wow, Dad. I didn't know it was like that for you.
Frank: It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was.
Ray: So your dad's dad hit him, he hit you, and you never really hit us.
Frank: I couldn't. I don't know. I was always weaker than him.
Robert: Maybe you didn't want to be like him.
Frank: I didn't.

Frank: Oh my God, look at this. We gotta bet this horse. This is a big horse. A sure thing. This horse is unstoppable.
Robert: "Marie's Mouth."
Ray: This is a sign from God. We're supposed to be here.
Frank: I'm in! I'm way in. Care for a piece, Robert?
Robert: It is a good sign.

Marie: Oh, Frank, I can't wait to talk more about this. I always say nothing is more important than discussing one's feelings, and now we can have real discussions.
Frank: Yeah. About that Dr. Greenberg advised me to have a cone of silence.
Marie: A cone of silence?
Frank: Yes, I need a cone of silence around me whenever I feel "Bad Frank" coming on. He suggested a 10-foot radius. [Marie starts to back away] A little more. That's good, honey.
Marie: Oh, Chi Chi. I'll do anything if it means you're mentally balanced.
Frank: The balance feels good now.

Marie: What did you think, Frank?
Frank: Well, when you were yanking me into this, I was, as you know, very skeptical. But then I got there, and I have to say... it really paid off. And I owe it all to Marie's Mouth.
Marie: I'm so happy I helped.
Ray: To Marie's Mouth!

Amy: Robert's been seeing Dr. Greenberg every Tuesday.
Ray: What, your therapist?
Marie: Oh, that's wonderful, Robbie.
Frank: How does he do it, push two couches together? [Frank & Ray laugh]

Marie: Oh, my cousin Bella happens to be a top psychiatrist.
Frank: She's a hideous monster.
Marie: For years, she's offered to come up from South Carolina to stay with us for some emergency marriage counseling. I'm gonna call her right now.
Frank: Put down that phone.
Marie: She's gonna stay with us as long as it takes to make you a person.
Frank: All right! I'll go with them to the thing.
Marie: Oh, he's gonna have therapy!
Ray: Dad!
Debra: Oh, my gosh, he's going to therapy!
Amy: I can't believe it!
Marie: Wonderful day! Oh, and Frank, don't be afraid to let them keep you for observation.

Frank: Yeah, I actually have something I need to get off my chest.
Robert: What is it, Dad?
Frank: I'm not going in there.
Robert: What?
Frank: I'm not going in there, and I would never set foot in some voodoo man's sucker trap not for all the tea in China, nor for all the Chinese waitresses who bring the tea. There. I feel better.

Robert: This is not what I had in mind.
Frank: Oh, no? We're up 500 bucks. Maybe you should start having that in mind, phone pole.
Ray: Yeah, phone pole, 'cause you're big.

Debra: So what else did Dr. Greenberg say?
Ray: Well, he said that I've actually been in denial with my feelings towards Robert. Yeah. I think I love him now.
Amy: This is so sweet.
Ray: And we realize how lucky we are to have you guys at home too. You know, Dr. Greenberg said that our marital companions can help our situation even further.
Debra: Oh, fine with me. How?
Ray: Well... We all have, you know, tension. And- And whatever you can do to alleviate, you know... Dr. Greenberg said. [chuckles]
Debra: I'm happy to help.

Ray: What excuse did you give Dr. Greenberg this week?
Robert: Oh, I didn't even talk to him this week. I told him I was gonna be working undercover for a while, and when I came back, I'd have plenty of issues.
Frank: What kind of issues?
Robert: I told him I had to dress as a woman, and I had to borrow the outfit from my mother.
Ray: Oh, yeah. That's perfect.
Robert: I know.
Frank: If he only knew what a sick bastard you really are.
Robert: I know!