Julius Quote #148
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.
More Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Quote from Everybody Hates the Pilot
Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.
Quote from Everybody Hates a Part Time Job
Chris: I was hoping you could give me an allowance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard.
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?
Julius: I'm not giving you money for walking around doing nothing. An allowance? I'll allow you to sleep here at night. I'll allow you to eat them potatoes. I'll allow you to use my lights. I'll allow you to drink my Kool-Aid. I'll allow you to nibble on them green beans. I'll allow you to look at that TV. I'll allow you to run up my gas bill. I'll allow you to walk up my stairs. I'll allow you to ask me these ridiculous-ass questions. Why should I give you an allowance when I already paid for everything you do? Who you know that gets an allowance? Huh? I'm finished.
Chris: I was talking to Greg and he said that he gets five dollars a week.
Julius: Sounds like Greg's doing better than me. Ask him for an allowance. You want to buy a leather coat, you need to get a leather-coat job.
Quote from Everybody Hates My Man
Drew: I don't know how you can stand being around all those dead people.
Julius: I love it. It makes you realize that life is short. Anything can happen at any time. A toilet could fall out of the sky and crush you. A bus door could clamp on your neck and choke you. A poisonous lizard could escape from the zoo and bite you. You could fall off a bridge and drown. [3 hours later] And you could trip and fall in front of a power mower and be decapitated. [1:00 a.m.] [on the phone] You could be smoking a cigarette and blow up while siphoning 65 cents worth of glass. And you could eat some bad coleslaw and get diarrhea and die of dehydration. [the next morning] You could step in a puddle and be electrocuted by a downed wire. You could blow your nose and startle a cat with rabies...
Rochelle: Okay, okay, we get it! We can die at any time, and you're happy!
Julius: That's right.
Quote from Mr. Omar
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After trying to find a tenant to help my father make ends meet, my mother thought she had found the perfect person, our neighborhood funeral director, Mr. Omar.
Rochelle: Oh, hello, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Oh, hello, Miss Rochelle.
Rochelle: Is this Mrs. Omar?
Mr. Omar: No, this is Mrs. Johnson.
Mrs. Johnson: Mr. Omar and I are just friends.
Mr. Omar: Yeah, her husband recently passed and she's in mourning.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sure, she is.
Rochelle: Was it sudden?
Mr. Omar: Oh, yeah, yeah. He got stabbed on the subway. Didn't see it coming. Tragic. Tragic!
Quote from Greg
Greg: What's the matter?
Chris: The speech. I've never given a speech before. I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to get up there and put people to sleep.
Greg: There's no reason to be nervous. I've been working on some bullet points and I guarantee you nobody's going to sleep through this.
Chris: "The geopolitical infrastructure of Corleone"? "Trading arms for hostages"? "Postwar Grenada"?!
Greg: Good, huh? I got more stuff, too, on Noriega and the fallacy of trickle-down economics.
Chris: Wait. "The fallacy of trickle-down economics"? Greg, this is the eighth grade.
Greg: Yeah, but it's trickling down to us.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After researching some of the greatest speeches ever, I tried a few on for size.
Chris: Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth to this country a... [Greg shakes his head] Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Don't vote for him, vote for me.
Greg: Come on. This is serious.
Chris: I am not a crook. [holds up two fingers on each hand]
Greg: Come on. Now you're just making stuff up.
Chris: Once you go Black, you never go back.
Greg: Are you trying to get us killed?
Chris: Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever!
Greg: What are you thinking?
Greg: I think we've looked at every speech in every book here.
Chris: Maybe I should just say, "Vote for me. You know I won't kick the crap out of you."