Chris: What's Earth Day?
Ms. Morello: Well, Chris, people are destroying the planet with things like plastic bags and cans, bottles, and indestructible foodstuffs. On Earth Day, we put forth our best efforts to save the planet.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought saving the planet was a waste of time, because I was too busy trying to save me. I tried saving my face. [Chris being punched] I tried saving my ass. [Chris being chased] I even tried saving my future kid's ass. [Chris putting a textbook in front of his crotch as Caruso goes to kick him] To this day, I love geography.