Sam: Listen, have you ever thought that you're reading this whole thing wrong? That maybe she's just a four-eyed little geek that Evan Drake is trying to help out?
Rebecca: Right. And Cliff is leaving his brain to science.
Cliff: I guess, you're still covering for Carla, huh?
Rebecca: Guess again.

Cliff: Have you ever had to defend Vera's honor?
Norm: Well, no, not per se. But on more than one occasion I've held her place in line while she parked the car.

Sam: She's his mistress.
Rebecca: How do you know that?
Sam: She turned me down.
Rebecca: That just proves she has a weak stomach.

Rebecca: You know, if someone ran over Laurie in the parking lot, I bet it would look like an accident. Do you want to make 500 bucks?
Sam: Just, don't... Listen to yourself. You're going crazy here. We both have a problem with these new waitresses. Why don't we help each other out, here?
Rebecca: Oh, like I scratch your back?
Sam: And I'll scratch your front.

Woody: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, yeah, she is. Miss Howe, Mr. Drake.
Rebecca: Mr. Drake? I wonder what he's calling about. Woody, how did he sound? Happy, mad, pleasant, annoyed?
Woody: Well, he sounds kind of weird. Like an old woman with a lisp and a thick German accent.
Rebecca: Woody, that's his secretary.
Woody: Oh, well, then she sounded pretty happy.

Rebecca: This is just too perfect. Evan found a nice little bowl for his goldfish to swim in. Safe, out of the reach of the other executive sharks.
Sam: Obviously, he forgot about the Great White Sammy.

Rebecca: What's this? "Carla's Tips."
Sam: Yeah, it was Carla's idea. She does some of her best thinking in labor.
Rebecca: This is ridiculous. How does she expect to be tipped if she's not even here?
Sam: Well, actually, she's doing a lot better than she usually does.

Sam: Hey, Anthony, Annie, what's up?
Anthony: Sam, I'm swallowing my Tortelli pride to ask if I might borrow five bucks.
Annie: That was very difficult for him.
Anthony: Is it okay? I want to get a present for my mom and the twins.
Sam: Sure. What are you going to get them?
Anthony: Five bucks.
Sam: She'll like that.
Anthony: Thanks, Sam.

Anthony: Hey, I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back. Job market's been really bad lately. I haven't been able to find a job anywhere.
Sam: Actually, we have an opening for a temporary waitress to sub for your mom. What do you think?
Anthony: Ah, I don't want to be a waitress.
Sam: No, I was thinking about her.
Anthony: No, I don't want my wife to work.
Annie: I could do it if I want to.
Anthony: Nuh-uh.
Annie: Nuh-huh.
Anthony: Nuh-uh.
Annie: Nuh-huh.
Anthony: Nuh-uh.
Sam: W- Why don't you two talk about it.
Annie: Of course we will. Communication is the cornerstone of our marriage.
Anthony: Nuh-uh.
Annie: Nuh-huh.

Annie: Well, we've reached a compromise, Sam. I'm taking the relief waitress job.
Sam: Great. What's the compromise?
Anthony: [meekly] I'm letting her.
Rebecca: Wait a minute. I am in charge around here and it is my responsibility to hire people, and I have just be informed that I am hiring someone else.
Sam: They're going through a tough time right now. Why don't you let Annie work just for tips?
Annie: Tips?
Sam: Yeah.
Annie: If I'm gonna work here, I demand a set salary, plus tips, plus two coffee breaks, plus weekends off.
Rebecca: That is completely out of the question.
Annie: Okay, then I demand that tip thing.
Rebecca: It's a deal.