Sam Quote #1054
Quote from Sam in Swear to God
Sam: Well, I would like your advice, Father. Actually, it's for a friend of mine. He, uh, got himself into kind of a bind, and so, in desperation, promised God he'd give up something.
Father Barry: And what did he promise to give up?
Sam: Sweets.
Father Barry: Oh. I see. [chuckles]
Sam: Yeah, but my friend really likes sweets a lot. You know, and sweets like him a lot. And he hasn't had sweets now for about two weeks, and if he doesn't have sweets soon, he's gonna explode.
Father Barry: I see, and God's contractual obligation was to get your friend out of this bind you spoke of.
Sam: Yes, sir. Which He did.
Father Barry: Well, then, what is the problem?
Sam: Well, m- My friend was wondering what the penalty would be if he, say you know, had a huge box of chocolates.
Father Barry: Sam, I think this is between you and your God.
Sam: Yeah, right. Oh, how did- How'd you know it was me?
Father Barry: In all the years people have been coming here for their friends, I have never met one of their friends.
Cheers Quotes
‘Swear to God’ Quotes
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Hey, Sam, hey, uh, back from the Denise decathlon, huh? [chuckles] Got a, uh, another gold medal in the "broad" jump?
Sam: You know, you got a big mouth, Clavin.
Cliff: Hey, he happens to be right, you know. Yeah, it's a genetic quirk in the, uh, Clavin family that we all have two extra teeth. Yeah, you see, that's the only way that we can prove that we are the rightful heirs to the Russian throne.
Frasier: Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me what color is the sky in your world?
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Let's address this problem, Sam.
Sam: Well, I don't know anything about submarines.
Frasier: Well, surely you have other interests. Sports, sailing, music?
Sam: Well, yeah, I had a piano lesson once. Actually, I had the piano teacher and it was twice, but I liked it.
Frasier: Well, I'll tell you. If you were to sit down at the piano today and channel your energies into it, you would find all your sexual tensions pouring out through your fingertips.
Sam: Yeah, fingertips. Yeah, right.
Frasier: And best of all, Sam, no matter how badly you perform, a piano never laughs. Never stomps out of the room and refuses to let you play again for three days. Well, I'm off to Lilith.
Quote from Sam
Carla: Well, what's the big deal, you know? You can just do what all the other jerks do. You pay a little money for support, and you get off the hook.
Sam: No, Carla, it means a lot more to me than that. I'm telling you, if this, if this kid is mine, then then I want to see that he's fed, that he's clothed, and that he's educated. You know, I'm- l'm gonna take him to, to Little League games, too. I'm gonna be the best damn father you've ever seen. Please don't let him be mine! Oh! Oh! I tell you, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I am through fooling around forever.
Carla: Sam, don't swear to God.
Sam: No, I mean it, I mean it, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I'll never have sex again.
Carla: You? Never?
Sam: Yeah, not ever. I mean, for the rest... Well, three months, three months.
Carla: Well, I guess the amount of sex you have in three months is what most people have in a lifetime.
Sam: Huh. If they're attractive, I guess.