Sam Quote #1051
Quote from Sam in Swear to God
Sam: Come on, God's a sport. People make promises like that all the time, but if God had to collect on all of them, He wouldn't have any time to create natural wonders like that, for instance. I'll see you... Oh, boy. Give me a minute here.
Carla: Listen, Sammy, I don't want to tell you how to run your life, but I want to tell you this: don't mess with God. Look at all the people in the Bible who did. The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot's wife, turned into a salt lick with boobs.
Sam: Come on, what- What's He gonna do? Reach down from the clouds and snatch me up? You know, you...
Woody: [enters] Halt, infidel!
Cheers Quotes
‘Swear to God’ Quotes
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Hey, Sam, hey, uh, back from the Denise decathlon, huh? [chuckles] Got a, uh, another gold medal in the "broad" jump?
Sam: You know, you got a big mouth, Clavin.
Cliff: Hey, he happens to be right, you know. Yeah, it's a genetic quirk in the, uh, Clavin family that we all have two extra teeth. Yeah, you see, that's the only way that we can prove that we are the rightful heirs to the Russian throne.
Frasier: Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me what color is the sky in your world?
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Let's address this problem, Sam.
Sam: Well, I don't know anything about submarines.
Frasier: Well, surely you have other interests. Sports, sailing, music?
Sam: Well, yeah, I had a piano lesson once. Actually, I had the piano teacher and it was twice, but I liked it.
Frasier: Well, I'll tell you. If you were to sit down at the piano today and channel your energies into it, you would find all your sexual tensions pouring out through your fingertips.
Sam: Yeah, fingertips. Yeah, right.
Frasier: And best of all, Sam, no matter how badly you perform, a piano never laughs. Never stomps out of the room and refuses to let you play again for three days. Well, I'm off to Lilith.
Quote from Sam
Carla: Well, what's the big deal, you know? You can just do what all the other jerks do. You pay a little money for support, and you get off the hook.
Sam: No, Carla, it means a lot more to me than that. I'm telling you, if this, if this kid is mine, then then I want to see that he's fed, that he's clothed, and that he's educated. You know, I'm- l'm gonna take him to, to Little League games, too. I'm gonna be the best damn father you've ever seen. Please don't let him be mine! Oh! Oh! I tell you, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I am through fooling around forever.
Carla: Sam, don't swear to God.
Sam: No, I mean it, I mean it, if I get out of this, I swear to God, I'll never have sex again.
Carla: You? Never?
Sam: Yeah, not ever. I mean, for the rest... Well, three months, three months.
Carla: Well, I guess the amount of sex you have in three months is what most people have in a lifetime.
Sam: Huh. If they're attractive, I guess.