TV Quotes

[on TV:]
Sam: Tonight I'm going to tackle the issue that's tearing professional sports apart: natural grass or artificial turf? Now this reporter's not afraid to say that he's firmly in favor of natural grass. It's softer, causes fewer injuries, and let's face it, folks: it looks prettier on TV. That's just one guy's opinion. Joanne?
Joanne: Gee, Sam, I heard somewhere that in an indoor stadium it's impossible to grow real grass.
Sam: Well, yes, yes, uh... In indoor stadiums, you have to use the fake stuff.
Dr. Buzz: And I've heard that some of the more recent synthetic blends actually do help reduce injuries.
Sam: Oh. Well, I hadn't heard that, Doc. That's pretty amazing.
Joanne: So what are you saying here, Sam?
Sam: Well, I guess I'm saying that I could go either way on it.
Joanne: So you have no opinion on this?
Sam: No, I have two opinions. And that's one guy's opinions.

Sam: [on TV] The Graf-Everett final may be a good match-up, but if you ask this I on Sports, the fact that Martina Navratilova decided to sit this one out
Norm: Ooh, to say "Martina Navra- whoever" without even-
Sam: [on TV] You know, I got a phone call today from a teenager saying I was taking advantage of my status as an ex-ballplayer and that old squares like me shouldn't be doing the sports. Well, Corky, tonight's commentary is directed right at you. [hip-hop music plays] [Sam raps:] Time to rap about a controversy Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy A lot of folks say jocks shouldn't be Doing the sports news on TV I don't want to hear the latest scores From a bunch of old broadcasting school bores So get your scores from a guy like me Who knows what it's like to have a groin injury G-G-Groin, g-g-groin G-G-Groin injury. [music stops] Joanne.
Joanne: [on TV] Dr. Buzz, there must be some weather.

Sam: Come on. It's a golden opportunity. We can win this time. We can steal all of Gary's best ideas and use 'em against this new guy. And you remember how Gary's always going first? We can learn from that. We can move first ourselves.
Frasier: Very good, Sam. As that famous prankster Santayana once said, "Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it."
Woody: You got that right, Doctor Crane. Back in high school I was condemned to repeat History three times. By the way, the same goes for Mathematics.

Woody: I can't believe it. I'm being shunned. Just like back in Hanover. Just like with the Amish.
Norm: Wood? Who, uh, who shunned you back in Hanover?
Woody: The Amish. Weren't you here for this part?