TV Quotes

Cliff: Actually, I'm something of an expert on that subject.
Carla: Big, funny-shaped cans?
Cliff: No, Carla. I happen to be a swine buff. You see, your porcine mammal is known for his superior intelligence.
Woody: Well, that's true. You know, back in Hanover, they say pigs are smarter than the people. Actually, it's usually the tourists who point that out.

Sam: Oh, here you go, pal. Let me, uh... [laughs] Sorry. I don't have any change on me.
Salvationist: That's all right. God bless you anyway.
Frasier: Hey, Sam.
Sam: Hey, Frasier, how you doing, man? [to the Samaritan] I tell you, I used to have change all the time, but things are tough now. The bar burned down, you know. This is the place right here. Yeah, burned down, and I've been spending every dime I have just to rebuild the place. I don't have anyone to blame but myself really. And women. Oh, God. [laughs] Me and women. Oh. Yeah, I tell you, I think... I think it first started for me when I hired this really bright, blonde waitress, you know. Her name was Diane. Maybe you heard about her. Used to come in and out of here all the time. Five years ago, books under her arm... [time lapse] And then Rebecca, you know, finally admitted, "Yeah, I burned the bar down." I forgave her.
Frasier: Good night, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, good night, Fras! And then, listen to this. Rebecca finally admits to me, "Yes, I burned the bar down." Whoo, was I mad, I tell you. But what are you gonna do? Are you gonna stick her with guilt the rest of...
Frasier: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Frasier: There you go. [returns the Salvationist's hat]
Salvationist: Thank you.
Frasier: Come this way. Oh. Here you go. [puts money in the Salvationist's hat] You earned it.

Coach: Carla, what are you looking for? A sign from God? Religious belief is based on faith.
Carla: Yeah, well, I never thought I'd say this, Coach, but I think I've lost faith.
Frasier: Hey, listen up, everybody. I have an announcement to make. Diane here is leaving for Europe and she's not coming back to Cheers ever.
[Carla drops to her knees and prays]
Carla: [sings] I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows. I believe that somewhere in the darkest night a candle glows.

Norm: Hey, hey, hey, hey, Carla, let me get this straight. You're really not going back to Cheers?
Carla: I know it's a lousy job, Norm, but for the amount of money they're throwing at me, it's nothing I can't take.
Bartender: Carla, uh, I'm gonna put a new trainee with you for the next two weeks. She's a bright girl. She's, uh, an anthropology student at B.U. Ellen! Ellen, come meet Carla.
Ellen: Well, you must be Carla. I know what you're thinking: "She doesn't look like a waitress." That's because I'm really a writer. Or actuellement, a poetess.
Carla: [screams]