Sam Quote #242
Quote from Sam in How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back
Diane: Ooh, a gift. Who's it for?
Norm: It's for Harry.
Diane: Why are you giving a gift to that conman?
Sam: To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop.
Coach: Yeah, see, what you do is you open it up, see, and flames come right up to your face.
Diane: Oh, isn't this a little cruel?
Sam: No, no, no. It's harmless, really.
Carla: That's why we didn't give it to you.
Cliff: He's coming. Here he comes.
Sam: Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry.
Harry: You are?
Sam: Are you kidding me? You are a valued customer and a friend. I was feeling bad about all the times I kicked you out of here. I just wanted to show you there's no bad blood between us.
Carla: It's from all of us.
Harry: For me? Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this. I mean, no one's ever given me anything voluntarily. Shall I save it for Christmas?
Coach: Oh, no, no, no. Please, Harry. Open it now. It's a hot one.
Harry: Oh, it's a wallet!
Sam: It's just a little gesture.
Harry: It's beautiful.
Coach: [to Diane] I can't wait.
Harry: I'm so touched.
Sam: Don't mention it.
Coach: Gee, Harry, aren't you going to open it?
Harry: Oh, sure.
Diane: Oh, Harry, back from your face a little, so we can all see.
Harry: Aww.
Coach: Gee, it was funnier in the store.
Harry: There must be 50 or 60 bucks in here. You guys are too much. I'll never forget this. Thanks a lot. [exits]
Sam: Did that wallet look familiar to anybody?
[Everyone screams as Sam opens his wallets and flames appear]
‘How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back’ Quotes
Quote from Diane
Diane: This is the way I describe our relationship. It's more than like. Beyond fondness. Verging on deep affection. There's a vital physical component, bordering on the passionate. However, it has not reached the level at which we will abandon our reservations about a complete commitment. Well, that's how I see things.
Sam: Ditto.
Diane: Ditto? You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"?
Sam: You took my answer. [Diane goes to leave] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No more stalling. No more stalling. I'll just tell you right here. I couldn't come up with anything. I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. I don't understand. I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. Honey, I have no idea why we're together.
Diane: [sobs] Sam, neither do l.
Sam: You don't?
Diane: I don't have a clue.
Sam: Well, what about what you just said?
Diane: Oh, I read it in a book. It sounded nice, but it's not us. Is it?
Sam: I don't know. I wasn't listening.
Quote from Carla
Sam: I mean, how'd you do it? These things are impossible to get.
Diane: Well, it wasn't easy. They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, but after I finished waiting on them...
Carla: ...they were two old men.
Diane: They succumbed to my charms.
Carla: Oh. They were two blind men.
Quote from Diane
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, you're drunk.
Diane: Well, you're stupid. I'll be sober in the morning.