Cliff: Listen, Margaret, why don't we sit down over here away from those who merely wait for the mail? There you go. Park it right there.
Margaret: I just want to tell you, Cliff, that I couldn't have made it through training without you.
Cliff: You'll be graduating with honors.
Margaret: Really?
Cliff: Well, how could you not, with the recommendation I gave you?
Margaret: Oh, Cliff, thank you, thank you. [kisses Cliff on the cheek] Thank you.
Cliff: In honor of your achievement, l, uh, went out and got you a little gift.
Margaret: Thank you. You really shouldn't have. Arch supports.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. I got you the large size, too. I noticed you've got a pretty hefty pair of dogs down there.
Margaret: Cliff, you are so considerate.
[After Cliff leans in as Margaret gives him a quick kiss, a distracted Cliff is hit by the door on Margaret's way out]

Cliff: Yes, officer?
Policeman: Excuse me. We're questioning all the guests. Do you know anything about this postal vehicle parked outside? It was reported stolen.
Cliff: l, uh... No, I don't know anything about it, Officer.
Policeman: Sorry to bother you. [exits]
Cliff: Yeah, not at all, sir. [to Margaret] What, are you crazy? You, you drove a postal vehicle to a sleazy motel?!
Margaret: I was running late, and I didn't want to keep you waiting.
Cliff: Keep me waiting? Well, for crying out loud, Margaret. You signed that vehicle out in your own name. Oh, boy. You've had it now. You've had it. Oh, they're gonna drum you right out of the service.
Margaret: Well, Cliff, you've got to help me. You've got to make up a story to cover for me.
Cliff: You want me to lie? You want me to jeopardize my career? This is my life. This is my dream.
Margaret: This is my shoulder.
Cliff: This is our story...

Cliff: Come on, Maggie, bottoms up.
Margaret: I can't, Cliff.
Cliff: Why?
Margaret: How can we celebrate? We dishonored the uniform. I don't feel worthy to wear it.
Cliff: Yeah, I understand. Look, uh, why don't we go back to that motel, lie down and talk about it, huh?
Margaret: No, Cliff. Do you think I fell for you because you're a handsome, sexy man? I fell for you because you're handsome inside. But now, even though I'm the one that corrupted you, you are corrupt. We're both dirty inside.
Cliff: Well, let's go back to the motel, they cater to people like us.

Margaret: After I was fired, I wandered around aimlessly, nowhere to go and didn't know what to do. And as I was crossing the bridge, I actually thought I'd do something desperate.
Cliff: Oh, no, you don't mean...
Margaret: Yes, UPS. Then I thought, why should I do that? There are alternatives. And I came up with a wonderful idea. The Canadian Postal Service.
Cliff: Canada? Geez, why would you want to go up there?
Margaret: The mail's the mail, Cliff. It knows no national boundaries. Come with me.
Cliff: What?
Margaret: I've got two tickets, Cliff. We could start a new life there together.
Cliff: Geez, Maggie, I don't know.
Carla: Go, marry her, be happy. Just don't have any children.
Cliff: What the heck, I mean, we've come this far. We might as well go the whole nine yards, huh?
Margaret: Let's go!

Cliff: Normie, pal of mine, I'll be seeing ya. It's for the best.
Norm: Cliff, did you just kiss me on the neck? I don't know what it is. Nobody can keep their lips off me today.
Cliff: Fras, take care of yourself. Carla, I forgive you. Sammy.
Sam: Cliff, wait a minute. Hey, man, just think about this for a minute. You've only known the girl for about a week. I mean, all you've shared is one night in a motel and a huge lie.
Cliff: That's enough for me, Sammy.
Frasier: Well, Cliff, why don't you consider what you'd be giving up. Your job, your seniority, your pension.
Cliff: Hey, Doc, have a gander at what I'm going to be gaining. All right, Maggie, hitch up those huskies. Canada, here we come.

Sam: Uh, Cliff, Cliff. Wait a minute, man. Give this some thought. Think about what you're doing here.
Cliff: I know what you guys are doing, and I appreciate it, but there's nothing you could do or say that would make me change my mind.
Woody: [sings] Fearless men who jump and die Men who mean just what they say The brave men of the Green Beret. [all hum "Ballad of The Green Beret"] Margaret, you're a fine woman, but I can't leave my country. My place is here, in America. I can't leave my home. Can't you, can't you stay here with me?
Margaret: I'm a mail carrier, Cliff. I have to deliver the mail.
Cliff: I understand. [humming continues]
Margaret: But Cliff, it'll be so terrible. I'll... I'll be so cold and all alone. Who will keep me warm?
Cliff: You'll do fine, Margaret. Women have that extra layer of fat. Carry on, O'Keefe.
Margaret: I'll never forget you, Cliff Clavin. [kisses him] Good-bye.
Guys: [sing] 100 men will test one day [Cliff joins in] But only three wear the Green Beret.

Sam: Hey, you know, same to ya! That's it, I've had it. I'm finished. I've been embarrassed for the last time.
Norm: What?
Sam: I just came on to Rebecca for the l-don't-know-how-manyth time.
Carla: 4,659.
Sam: Thank you, Carla. And she shot me down once again. Well, you know, that's it. That's the last time I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna get my self respect back starting right now. Whoo! Feels damn good, I'll tell you.

Cliff: Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Some mornings you get up, you look at yourself in the mirror and you've got to ask, "Why me?"
Norm: Cliffie, it's just a haircut. It'll grow back.
Cliff: Nah, I'm over that, Normie. I got saddled with a job of breaking in a new postal employee. Yeah, so I told the supervisor to send the greenhorn down here and I could size him up.
Sam: Boy, they made you a trainer, huh? Well, that sounds like a compliment to me, Cliff.
Cliff: You really are a civilian, aren't you, Sammy? It's a nightmare. Those rookies, yeah, they just get in your way, ask you stupid questions, throw off your whole rhythm.
Norm: Oh, God, this won't slow down the mail, will it?

Rebecca: I've been going over the books, Norm, and I think it's time to pay your tab.
Norm: Oh, gee, thanks, Rebecca.
Rebecca: I mean, it's time for you to pay your tab.
Norm: Me? I paid it last month. Okay, okay, fine.

Sam: [sings] Blue on blue hea-
Rebecca: No.
Sam: Cherish is the word that I-
Rebecca: No.
Sam: In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby-
Rebecca: Right, Sam, I was insane.
Sam: I'll find it.