Diane: You see, my very eccentric father put a very strange clause into his will. Providing that if I'm not married by tomorrow, my mother will become destitute. So, if you and I could get married, just long enough to satisfy the attorneys, it would really help her out and I would consider it a favor.
Sam: I'd consider it a joke. Diane, marriage and me do not mix.
Diane: No, it's not marriage. It's a business arrangement. Just for a couple of days and then we'll get divorced.
Sam: Listen, I've been married before. You haven't. Now, just take my word, marriage changes people. There's not a woman in the world who can stand up there and hear those words and not start believing it.
Diane: Well, that's a very sexist thing to say.
Sam: No, no, no. It's not sexist because no man can resist it either.
Diane: Why, Sam, that's a very romantic thing to say.
Sam: The difference is, with men, they get over it in an hour. With women, it kind of goes on for years.
Diane: If you're worried about me, I'm only doing this for my mother.
Sam: Yeah, right.
Diane: I promise you that I will not feel any emotions toward you.
Sam: Look, I learned a long time ago never to trust anybody wearing a wedding gown, especially a woman.