TV Quotes

Lindsay: Bob Loblaw's a handsome, professional man and I'm only used to ... Well, none of those things.
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over: an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
Lindsay: Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards.
Tobias: Yes. No, it did not look good on paper but I didn't stop because of the police inquiries, I stopped to raise our little daughter. But since we have both started to grow hair in unexpected places, I supposed I shall soon be working as a leading man. And she may soon start dating.

Michael: It's been a week. Nothing's happened.
Larry: Yeah, but you're not the one stuck under house arrest like a sitting duck.
Michael: Yeah, that's my father. That's why we had the meeting here, so that he couldn't interfere.
Larry: Interfere? I ought to pull down your pants and spank your ass raw.
Michael: I'm sorry. Have we met?
Bob Loblaw: Oh, yes, this is Larry Mittleman. He's your father's surrogate.
Michael: Surrogate?
Larry: That's right, you dumb [bleep].
George Sr.: [into headset] I hired this guy to wear a camera in his hat so he could be my eyes and ears while I'm stuck in this penthouse.
Larry: This camera helps me keep tabs on you idiots, while this thing rubs my ankle raw.
George Sr.: I mean, look at this thing.
Larry: I can't even go in the hallway...
George Sr.: without hearing
Larry: that beep, beep, beep.
Bob Loblaw: [checks pager] That's one of my partners. Excuse me.

Lucille: His name is Dustin Radler, and I haven't hired him, because technically, he's given up the rat race.
George Sr.: Oh, God, the "giving up the rat race" guy? This is the sand hobo? Uh, it's just a question. Are you guys doing something?
Lucille: [inhales]
Gob: Don't say it! Please, I can't I can't hear it.
Lucille: He tickles my fancy.
Gob: Your what? Is the- What part of Mom is the fancy? You do not want to know what I'm picturing, and it's not what you think.
Lucille: Oh, stop. We walk on the beach. We like the feel of the sand on our feet.
Gob: Oh, God, the thought of your feet.
George Sr.: It's fine. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Well, maybe I'll go check on Buster.
Gob: Wow. Mom really has him fancy-whipped, huh?

Michael: So I thought you might want to read it seeing as how you are the president now, even though it's just a title.
Gob: Uh, right. Yes, well we should "circumvrent" union penalties.
Michael: Circumvent.
Gob: "Circumverate."
Michael: Circumvent. Means to go around.
Gob: The old reach around.
Michael: Trust me. This makes you look like a leader. Okay?
Gob: I don't think that I need any help with that. [framed "Never Give Up" inspirational poster falls from the wall and smashes] [bleep] it. Just leave it where it is.