TV Quotes

George Michael: Maeby, what are you doing? You know, I still don't get why you're pretending to be two people, and why is one of you sick?
Maeby: Hey, you don't get giant checks if you're healthy. Plus, who's going to get mad at the dying girl?
George Michael: Surely's dying?
Maeby: I figure I'll kill her off just before graduation. Just so everyone gets really sad before prom.
George Michael: Maeby, someone's going to get hurt. Not to mention it's kind of disrespectful for kids who actually have this.
Maeby: Not a lot of kids have B.S. these days.
George Michael: What does that stand for?
Maeby: I don't know. It's B.S.

Michael: Can we let another family bring down the Ten Commandments? This family's already done more than its share.
Gob: Oh, now you love the Ten Commandments. And yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it beith me, thy sweet Lord."
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

Tobias: I'm afraid I might not be able to be deposed either. I got a call out of the blue for a chance to play a very important part in The Prosecution.
Michael: The prosecution called you?
Tobias: I assume it's a CBS procedural. Although they didn't send sides, so I thought I'd trot out a Vagina Monologue, or something else I know. And they did ask for old photos and documents so I went and got these out of the secret room.
Michael: The prosecution is not a TV show. It's clearly somebody in the D.A.'s office trying to get you to flip. These guys will bend the law to enforce the law.
Tobias: Tell me that's not a CBS franchise.

Narrator: Lindsay was about to find a replacement for Lupe as well.
Lucille: Who is it?
Tobias: [o.s.] [high-pitched voice; British accent] The new housekeeper. The agency sent me over.
Lucille: I'm sorry. I didn't call any-
Tobias: [enters] Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phyllidia Featherbottom and I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of the little ones. I can also, uh, sing a song or two, if it comes in handy. [sings] When you put a squirt of frosting down your throat Before we take our medications...
Narrator: Tobias had gained access to the studio's wardrobe and makeup department. He was eager to both see his daughter and prove to his wife that he had what it took to be an actor. It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.
Tobias: In the most delicious way...
Narrator: There was also some Mary Poppins in there.
Lindsay: Let's get this house cleaned.