TV Quotes

Tobias: A real lady lets it itch. She doesn't jam two fingers... [door opens] [high-pitched] Voices up. [clears throat] Hi, I'm Mrs. Featherbottom.
[Theme from The Golden Girls plays]
♫ Thank you for being a friend ♫
Murphybrown: [high-pitched] I'm Bev.
♫ Traveled down a road and back again ♫
Debrie: [high-pitched] And I'm Mrs. Bettywhite.
♫ Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidant ♫
Tobias: We're just three 56-year-old women looking for a place to rest our weary asses.
Maeby: Oh, [bleep]. [Tobias giggles]

Oscar: Yeah. Are you hungry? 'Cause there's some dried food out there that's still technically everybody's.
Buster: You don't think we should wait until the store closes? I mean, we're technically in their display.
Oscar: Okay, here's what we do. When I go out, you just be still, and if anyone looks in, you pretend like you're a mannequin. Can you do that?
Buster: You're looking at a boy who faked a coma for two weeks to get out of a spelling bee.
Oscar: I thought that was to get out of testifying.
Buster: No, that was a three-month coma.
Oscar: Hey, before I go, if something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that this this being with you has been ah, it's been... [takes a deep breath] I cherish it. My son. [Buster is acting like a mannequin] All right, fine. Be that way.

Narrator: George Sr. had used his considerable means to stage intricate scenarios to teach his children what he considered valuable life lessons.
George Sr.: I need help.
J. Walter Weatherman: I'll get my gear.
Narrator: Typically, these scenarios would involve a man named J. Walter Weatherman a one-time employee who lost his arm in a Bluth Company construction accident.
Young Gob: [hitting Buster] Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
George Sr.: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note. [tires screech] [kids scream] Why? If someone had left a note this- this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?!
J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

George Sr.: You got to get me out of here.
Michael: You're the one that said no to prison.
George Sr.: I was wrong. There, you just have it to shut your eyes and take it. Here, you have shut your eyes and give it. Now, listen, we can't go in there and plead "not guilty". We have to have someone big behind us, our own private Matlock. So I made calls and I got him.
Michael: Got who?
George Sr.: Andy Griffith. What, you never saw Matlock?
Michael: Not a real attorney, Dad.
George Sr.: Now, for ten grand, he'll actually sit behind us in court and read the paper. For 15, he'll actually sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he'll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. Oh. White suit, that's extra.
Michael: Boy, that's an awful lot of money for the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
George Sr.: The juries love him.