Mr. Johnson Quote #106
Quote from Mr. Johnson in Fundraiser
Jacob: Oh. Whose cat is this?
Mr. Johnson: I don't know, I just found him in here. He won't budge. Think I'll get some bacon from the lunch lady, try to lure him out.
Jacob: Cats are pescatarians!
Mr. Johnson: You're telling me this cat believes in God?
Jacob: What... N... Let me show you how it's done, okay? Come here. Come here little Cinnamon Cupcake Hill.
Mr. Johnson: His name is Milton.
Jacob: Okay. I'm pretty sure nobody would ever name a cat "Milton."
Abbott Elementary Quotes
‘Fundraiser’ Quotes
Quote from Ava
Ava: Next lesson. Nobody likes to buy things from happy people, so I suggest you come up with an illness for yourself. My go-to is polio.
Barbara: Ava, no.
Ava: Barb, polio is back. Poke yourself in the eyes if you have to. Tears might as well have dollar signs in them. And you're gonna wanna look out for liberal white people.
Jacob: Actually, I consider myself to be a progressive.
Courtney: Is there a difference?
Ava: You'll be able to spot them, because they'll be making this face. If you can't sell candy bars to them, you're unteachable.
Quote from Melissa
Melissa: [as Vito Corleone] You come to my house on the day my doughnut is to be married, and you ask me for a fritter. [normal voice] Only one?
Janine: Yeah.
Melissa: [as the Terminator] You'll be back. [as Forrest Gump] Life is like a box of choc...
Jacob: Melissa, you're bad at impressions! You're...
Melissa: [as the Soup Nazi] No doughnut for you!
Barbara: Okay. Now, that was good.
Quote from Ava
Ava: I see you selling those Wonka Bars. Let me hear your sales pitch.
Henry: Pssh. Do I have to?
Ava: Yes, Bruce Banner in the middle of a transformation, you do.
Henry: Excuse me, sir, ma'am, or otherwise identifying human. Sorry to interrupt your day. My school is raising money to see science. Would you consider buying a chocolate bar?
Ava: Boy, you couldn't sell a scarf to Lenny Kravitz with that pitch. Who taught you to sell like that?
Henry: Mrs. Howard.
Ava: Of course. She's still using the tactics of a man who could turn water into wine and still only had friends.