Janine: Um, can I go first? I got Mr. Johnson. So, you told me, against my will, that back when you were a nude art model, you didn't get to keep any of the things made in your likeness. So, I had a local artist make this, and only this, for you.
Barbara: [o.s.] Wow!
Mr. Johnson: Love it. "To clean, or not to clean? That is the question." [laughter]
Ava: Alright, put your creepy little head down.

Jacob: All I'm saying is, like a lot of things, Christmas trees are stolen pagan traditions. That doesn't bother you? Like-
Melissa: You know what? It really does. I'm gonna head outside and see if I can't get over it.
Barbara: What a lovely idea.
Jacob: But it's 30 degrees out.
Melissa: My liquor coat will make it a toasty 42.
Jacob: You know, while I got you, Rudolph Created by advertisers.
Mr. Johnson: To sell what? Red noses? Boy, you sound ridiculous.

Mr. Johnson: [flatly] "On, Dancer, on, Prancer, on, Donner and Blitzen. She slays holidays, it's the sweet Christmas Vixen."
Ava: Seasons greetings, Ava's elves! It is I, Principal Coleman Claus!
Barbara: Santa Claus just had a heart attack.
Ava: It's time for the gift exchange. Let's find out who's been naughty and who's been nice. And, remember, I only reward the naughty. Everyone who picked a name out of Mr. Johnson's ice skate last week, please gather 'round.
Mr. Johnson: Dorothy Hamill and I used to be a thing. This is all I have left of her.