Dick Quote #731
Tommy: Dick, that Celia woman called for you again.
Dick: Oh, I'm not surprised. I've discovered the most powerful aphrodisiac there is.
Sally: What, self-confidence?
Dick: No. Self-loathing.
Harry: Well, I thought it was two tickets to an Eddie Money concert and a bottle of Jagermeister.
Dick: No. No. As I see it, women don't want a finished product. They crave a fixer-upper.
Quote from Dick
Dick: Oh! The most amazing thing happened to me.
Nina: I told you, the supermarket door opens for everybody.
Dick: No. No, no, no. I was out with the boys, and I actually noticed other women. The skinny ones had beautiful cheekbones, and the more ample ones... Well, let's just say, baby got back!
Mary: That's fascinating. Oh, did you see any with big gazongas?
Dick: Some. The point is, up until now, the sight of a woman other than you held the same appeal to me as, say, a plate of eggs. Nutritious, yes, but ultimately way too gassy. Now all that's changed.
Mary: It has?
Dick: Mm-hmm. I finally feel ready to go on my first new date. Women of Rutherford, look out!
Mary: Exactly what I was thinking.
Quote from Dick
Tommy: Well, uh, you could put an ad in the personals. You just describe yourself and the kind of woman you want to meet.
Dick: Okay. Here, uh, take this down. Uh, desperate, lonely white guy seeks acclaimed beauty queen. Runners-up need not apply.
Harry: You take the runners-up, just no "miss congeniality."
Tommy: Here. How about this? "If you believe in miracles, love at first sight, and breakfast in bed, contact me for adventures in truth."
Dick: [gasps] What a wonderful line! That's brilliant!
Quote from Sally
Sally: Okay, Dick, I recommend you start with the self-help section. Now, the women there are nutty, but vulnerable.
Dick: Enough said. Sally, let's savor these last moments before I meet my new girlfriend, because when I do, I'm not going to show any interest in you or the rest of the family ever again.
Sally: [flatly] That saddens me.