Tommy: Oh, man. The High Commander and the Lieutenant are incapacitated. You know what that means? The Information Officer takes over, and that's me. I'm in charge of the mission.
Harry: Permission to speak, High Commander.
Tommy: Permission granted.
Harry: Well, we might as well just take this mission, roll it up and stick it... [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. "Your request to return home for emergency maintenance has been authorized."
Tommy: Yes!
Harry: "The time-space portal will open tomorrow evening between 8:51 and 8:53 P.M. Earth time. On your journey home, we will be showing Tin Cup, starring Kevin Costner and Rene Russo."
Tommy: Well, that settles it. We're going.
Harry: "The Big Giant Head looks forward to reading your comprehensive report on the history of human civilization."
Tommy: Oh, no.

Don: Sally, uh, you're gonna have to calm down.
Sally: Oh, don't you see, Don? You're alive, which means it's my brain. My sick, twisted brain. I could be capable of anything. Anything at all! [gasps] There's only one hope, Don. I've got to get on the pill.
Don: Um, this isn't how I expected this to happen, but hey.
Sally: Dick's on the pill, and it seems to be working for him.
Don: Okay, you lost me again.
Sally: Uh, I'll call you when I'm not myself anymore.

Tommy: Oh, Dick, Sally! It's happening to me too! I'm falling apart at the seams!
Dick: Oh, this chair feels all soft on my bottom.
Tommy: Will you listen to me? This is serious!
Sally: You know what's good for serious things? One of those.
Harry: Oh, no, no, no, Tommy. Don't do it.
Dick: Look, Tommy. Look how pretty they are. And they have a line down the middle where you can break them in half.
Harry: So you can take half?
Dick: No, so you can take one and a half.