TV Quotes

Dick: Tommy, when did we first land on this planet?
Tommy: January 9th. It was a Tuesday, exactly 8:30 P.M.
Harry: 7:30 Central.

Dick: Let's play Secret Santa. Dr. Anthony? I barely know him. [puts paper back in]
Mary: No, wait.
Dick: Glansberg, Chilton, Lanell-
Mary: Dick, you don't get to choose your person. It's random.
Nina: You pick one name, and it's a secret until the party.
[When Dick picks another name from the bowl, he smiles at Judith]
Dick: Oh. Well, I picked my name, and whoever it is hasn't the foggiest idea. For now until the party, their life will be a topsy-turvy labyrinth of mystery and intrigue.
Judith: For the love of God, let him draw again.
[Dick swallows the piece of paper]

Sally: Plus, we don't need him. I have a plan.
Don: You do?
Sally: Yeah, I'm gonna flood the hole with 3,000 gallons of water, and then Dick and Harry'll just float to the top.
Don: What if they don't float?
Sally: Well... then they're witches.

Sally: All right. What have we got, Tommy?
Tommy: The lady says she stepped out of the laundromat to get a coffee. When she returned, her slipcovers had been removed from the dryer and placed on the folding table. She also claims they were still wet.
Sally: Is this a fact, sir?
Mrs. Dubcek: He moved my stuff.
Sally: I am not talking to you.
Mrs. Dubcek: I'm saying, I went-
Sally: Zip it! Tommy... [clears throat] Why don't you tell our friend here the rules.
Tommy: The rules are: you are not to remove someone else's moist items from the dryer.
Sally: Now, was it moist?
Man: It was damp.
Sally: Don't pee on my shoes and tell me the washer's leaking.