TV Quotes

Judith: Dr. Solomon, I'm Judith. I'm going to be sharing this office with you.
Dick: Judith.
Judith: This is my assistant. My brother, Roger.
Dick: Roger.
Roger: Please don't shake my hand. I've just washed it.
Judith: Two rules. When I do not wish to be disturbed, I will place my nameplate face down on my desk. And in the morning, whoever arrives first will flip on the ionizer.
Dick: You know, the woman who was previously in this office had no trouble with the level of ionization.
Judith: Believe me, you will like me. Most people do.

Tommy: What is it?
Dick: It's something to warm up my side of the office. Dr. Albright has her collection of tribal death masks, and now I have these. Look at this one. It says, "plan ahead," but the person who made it forgot to. [all laugh]
Harry: Take that, Mr. Advice Giver. Pow!
Tommy: "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps." [all laugh]
Dick: It sure does! I can't wait to show these to Dr. Albright and Nina. You know, over time, I've come to think of them less as my coworkers and more like a family. I'm the all-knowing father, Mary's the wife, and Nina is our adopted love child. Well, I better be going. The forecast for today is laughter. [all laugh]

Strudwick: You know, it's funny. I used to bring these creamers home to Alissa. She'd have little tea parties with her stuffed animals. They grow up quick, don't they?
Dick: Yeah. I can remember when Tommy didn't even know how to wipe his own butt. Then he figured it out all on his own. And taught me.

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: [gasps] Please, Dr. Albright! We barely know each other.