Evil Dick: Okay, so, apparently, I won't be impregnating the entire population of Ohio, but all fertile women of childbearing age who are not currently pregnant, and that's a lot. We're talking lots of women here who will soon find themselves now pregnant by me. It's as easy as one... [machine whirs] two... [machine whirs louder] three.
Dick: Yes! Yes, that will show him.
Evil Dick: Not that I care but, uh, show who?
Dick: Your father, that unfeeling purple tube who gave you life but wouldn't give you love.
Evil Dick: You know nothing of my father. So why don't you just shut up? 'Cause you don't know him.
Dick: You don't have to defend him. You can't change the past. You have to live in the now. This is the '90s, girlfriend.
Evil Dick: All I ever wanted was approval. Is it any wonder I wet my bed?
Dick: I'm with you. [Dick signals for Sally, Harry and Tommy to come untie him] Your father's got you all caught up in his emotional red tape, and you need to cut yourself free.
Harry: What would you say if I told you that your father was here tonight? Come on out!
Dick: What?
Harry: I'm just kidding. He's not really here.