Nellie: This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't. And here is a print out of your genealogy from thisisyourfamilytree.com
Andy: Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights.
Nellie: Well, it turns out, you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama!
Andy: As in...
Nellie: Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children.
Andy: Wow.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: This is super-flattering. She's the most popular person in America. This is a big day for both of us.