Jim: Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
Dwight K. Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me, so I stole his boat. He told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. I just thought it'd be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday.