Mike: No, you are. You're an idiot. I tried to get creative here and I tried to teach you by example, hoping that you'd get it, but you're too stupid to get it right now.
Axl: I don't think you're supposed to call your kid an idiot.
Mike: Just an observation. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault. I was an idiot at your age, too. So until you're no longer an idiot, I will be making the decisions for you. And that means: not dropping out of school, you're going to college, and those mutton chops you talked about growing? Not happening.
Axl: Whoa. I feel like you're trying to make me doubt myself.
Mike: Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. Let me make it simple. Any instinct you have right now, do the opposite. [Axl sighs] Trust me. Some day in the future, when you're done being an idiot, and you have an idiot of your own, you'll come back and thank me.
Axl: So I'm guessing you're not gonna let me go to Chuck's party.
Mike: See? You're getting smarter already.