Judge Quote #22
Quote from Judge in The Funeral to End All Funerals
Judge: Michael... you came to me and said the points system was flawed, a system that has been in place since the dawn of time and has judged every soul that has ever walked the earth. And I have come to the conclusion... that you're right.
Michael: I'm...
Judge: You're right. Humans are not fixed at one level of morality. They can always get better, which means the points system does not accurately judge how good or bad they are. You won.
Michael: Mmm-hmm. Well, that wasn't so hard now, what it? [cheers, laughter]
Jason: We did it! We did it!
Judge: The universe owes you a debt of gratitude for bringing this to my attention. Now, in terms of how we handle this moving forward, obviously, Earth is cancelled.
Eleanor: Uh... Earth is what, now?
Judge: All humans on Earth and in the afterlife will be extinguished, and we will start the entire human race over from scratch. And you know what's so funny? In a very roundabout way, I am actually rebooting Ally McBeal. Because I'm rebooting everything. Anyway, congrats, Michael. You won.
The Good Place Quotes
‘The Funeral to End All Funerals’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: Tahani improved so much over her many lives, but she also helped me improve. She taught me lots of stuff, like "Bras shouldn't be painful", and, "You don't buy bras at Home Depot", and "They don't sell bras at Home Depot. What the hell are you wearing?" For the record, it was a men's back support harness, and it worked in a pinch.
Quote from Judge
Judge: All right, everyone. Let's get this done. This is the single most important case that has ever appeared in my court, and the results will have ramifications for eternity. Before we begin, I'm going to need you all to sign this.
Michael: A petition to bring back Ally McBeal.
Judge: Well, yeah. I mean, everything else is getting rebooted. Get a young hottie in there, you know, like a Zendaya type. Is it Zenday-ah or Zend-iyah?
Shawn: Zenday-ah. Or... I don't...
Judge: I mean, who wouldn't watch that? Am I right? Anyone? Fine.