Tahani Quote #156
Eleanor: This is insane and obviously against the rules.
Shawn: [on video chat] Yeah, too bad it's not, dill hole.
Michael: She'll remember them. It's going to destroy the integrity of the experiment, Your Honor.
Tahani: Plus, now I have to live next to a man who once lied and said I wasn't at Diddy's White Party. I was there, Eleanor. I was. You must believe me.
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: Yes, we will no longer be together. The Bad Place has pulled off the most intricate cork-blork of all time. Hmm, it's a nice touch that the cursing filter maintains the rhyme. I appreciate that attention to detail.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Hang on. I'm not giving up yet. Let's have an old-fashioned brainstorming session. We'll get Chinese food, and we'll throw pencils and stick them in the ceiling, and someone will say something innocuous and I'll say, "Wait... Say that again."
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: Okay, listen. There's a guy out there who's awake and doesn't know what's happening, okay? You gotta pull it together. You've got this.
Michael: No, I absolutely do not. I'm not meant for any of this, Eleanor. I'm just middle management! [Eleanor shushes him] What if I fail? It'll be like the failure to end all failures. It'll be... an epic fail. Is my tie getting tighter, or is my neck getting fatter somehow? Oh! This is what we do. We tell the judge we have to cancel the experiment because I have a fat neck. She'll understand.
Quote from A Girl from Arizona (Part 2)
Tahani: Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry.
Jason: Janet was my whole afterlife. How am I gonna get over her?
Tahani: I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended. Champagne and Alanis Morissette. Not the actual singer. I just listened to her albums at my friend Adele's house.
Quote from A Girl from Arizona (Part 1)
Tahani: Who can convince her that this actually is the afterlife? We need someone authoritative and reassuring, like Nelson Mandela or Sir Patrick Stewart. Or really any of my old racquetball partners would do.
Quote from Mondays, Am I Right?
Michael: Okay, Janet's passing out the file on Tahani Al-Jamil, who volunteered to be today's test subject. So, take a look, and then we'll get going.
Tahani: They don't seem very enthused. This may be a tougher challenge than I thought, like when I tried to teach Taylor Swift how to dance. The longest four years of my life.