Michael Quote #60
Quote from Michael in ...Someone Like Me as a Member
Trevor: Look, if you don't come with us, we're gonna have to turn this matter over to Shawn.
Michael: Oh, oh, no, um, Shawn, really?
Chidi: Wha... uh, who's... Who's Shawn?
Michael: He's the wise, eternal Judge who sits on high, has the final say on all disputes between our two realms.
Tahani: And his name is... "Shawn"?
Trevor: Okay, look, I don't want Shawn involved either, so how about you blow us away with an offer so we can end this.
Michael: Okay... Here's my offer. You... get... nothing. We're not letting Fake Eleanor go, and we're not giving you anything.
Tahani: Get him, Michael!
Michael: You can summon every evil creature you have, every weapon in your arsenal, every four-headed flying bear. They have them down there. But we are not giving up. I believe that Eleanor belongs in the Good Place. If I'm wrong, you can take her to the Bad Place and punish her all you want, just really go to town on her.
Eleanor: Gah, gah, gah, easy, buddy, easy.
Michael: But she's staying here. Now, all of you... Get the fork out of my neighborhood.
The Good Place Quotes
‘...Someone Like Me as a Member’ Quotes
Quote from Tahani
Michael: Oh, Tahani, I'm so sorry. I will obviously clean all of this up.
Tahani: I don't care about the house, Michael. I'm just upset that you let them walk all over you.
Michael: I know... they're the only thing in the Universe that scares me. I know what I have to do. I just have to be... more accommodating. Offer them everything they want, give in to all of their demands, and then they'll have to respect me.
Tahani: No, you need to stand up for yourself. I'm going to tell you the same thing that I told Mark Zuckerberg right before he ousted Eduardo Saverin. "You are smart, you are capable, and the time has come to hit 'unfriend.'" I also told Mark to lose the "the". Just "Facebook." That was me.
Quote from Vicky
Eleanor: Your parents are still together, I guess.
Real Eleanor: Oh, actually, um, I... I'm not sure. I never met my birth parents. They put me in an empty fish tank and abandoned me at a train station in Bangladesh. Luckily, I was found and adopted by a very nice couple, the Shellstrops...
Trevor: Oh, thank God.
Real Eleanor: But then they died when I was four. Bird flu.
Chidi: That's awful.
Real Eleanor: Anyway, orphanage burned down, yadda yadda yadda, made my way to America, yadda yadda yadda, learned English from watching Seinfeld, put myself through law school, and here I am.
Quote from Janet
Jason: Hey, Janet. You look sad.
Janet: People keep asking me questions that I don't know the answers to.
Jason: That was my whole life on Earth. You know, it doesn't matter if you know things. All that matters is what's in your heart.
Janet: Thanks, Jianyu. I mean, it does matter if I know things, because I'm an informational delivery system, and I don't have a heart, but thanks.