John: Hey, girl. Want to hit up the spa tomorrow? I want to try that new Little Mermaid treatment, the one where they remove your vocal chords and it somehow makes your legs look amazing.
Tahani: Perhaps, but I was hoping to bend your ear on a more serious matter. The things you used to write, frankly... were hurtful.
John: What? Name one.
Tahani: I gained five pounds, and you called me "Ta-Hammy All-the-Meals".
John: I mean, that's just poetry.
Tahani: Well, you were so mean to Daniel Day-Lewis, he quit acting.
John: Oh, I'm sorry, was he living in character as a man who thought he could pull off boot-cut jeans? You know what? I see what this is. This has been a fake friendship. This whole week has just been a wind-up to a sucker-punch.
Tahani: No, it hasn't. I just want you to recognize that your blog hurt people. And you have a chance to be better here.
John: B'scuse me? You're telling me to be better? While you were gallivanting around with your fancy friends, I lived in the real world, so I had bills to pay. I worked 16 hours a day by myself building a site with millions of readers. You're the one with issues, sweetheart. If you spot it, you got it. Whoosh. That's another deuce for the gossip toilet.