Eleanor: So, let me get this straight. You want me to convince Michael to turn you into a marble because you're causing earthquakes because you're sad about Jason... to whom you were once married... because he's currently sleeping with Tahani?
Janet: Correct.
Eleanor: I don't think I've ever meant this literally, but that might be too much information. First of all, I totally get the Jason thing. I mean, he's a ding dong, but also a straight hottie. So, up top. [they high-five] But more important, what you're going through is something every person has gone through.
Janet: Not a person.
Eleanor: Actually, right now, you kind of are. Because you just found out your ex is dating someone else. And, yeah, it sucks. But trust me, it's not worth all this drama. You just need to get drunk and go dancing. You'll forget all about Jason. Can you get drunk?
Janet: Not really. Although, if I stand next to a powerful array of magnets, I do get pretty loopy.
Eleanor: Do that. Pop a couple magnets, listen to some No Doubt, dye your hair. You'll be totally fine in, like, two seconds. I mean, honestly, the best move is to get another dude and just go to town. Rebound guy. But I guess here, your options are pretty limited. What about Michael?
Janet: Extraordinarily bad idea.
Eleanor: Yeah, right. Forget it. But you don't need to worry. You're awesome. You contain all the knowledge in the universe, you have a rippin' bod, and you can literally do anything. This is just a blip.